Friday, February 29, 2008
Exactly 4 years ago today, I embarked on my life's mission...to be in the fashion industry. This is the very day, Feb. 29, 2004, that I moved to New York City to make my dream happen.
Looking back, I've realized that I am really in it to win it! I've been thru so many trials and tribulations to get to where I'm at right now. And...I appreciate the HELL out of this moment right now!! This lil' dream I have, is presenting me with a whole new appreciation for paying attention to the small things! When you have all the bits and pieces, and put them together the way they're truly intended, it's SO much easier to see the bigger picture. For so long, I've just been collecting pieces...not putting them together, but knowing each one was equally important for whatever reason. Not at least until today. This very instance. Amazing. Truly, truly amazing.
I am so thankful right now. I am totally vibrating at a higher level.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
As I've been working on my portfolio, I've discovered some things about myself. I've realized that the fashion biz comes to me pretty easily. And that the drawing/sketching part isn't difficult for me at all! However, for the past, hmm... 28 years!, i've been talking myself out of how good I am! Trust me, I'm definitely not tooting my horn here -- at least not yet! -- I'm realizing that we can truly talk ourselves out of doing something we love out of fear of rejection or looking stupid...*to whom, I really don't know, but for some odd reason there is the feeling that SOMEONE out there will be laughing at us for whatever reason*
This is truly a breakthru moment for me. I mean, think about it. I was so afraid of messing up, or not doing things right the first time, that I TOTALLY talked myself down from the ledge...NOT realizing that the ledge I was standing on, was the ledge to my future. Had I just let myself jump, I'd've free fallen into greatness! HA! *slap!* dumb.
Long ago, I discovered that I had a fear of success. (I KNOW! Weird, right?!?!?) But as time has passed, and I've let go of the reins, diving into what I thought would be cold unforgiving waters, I've realized that I dove into a warm, welcoming ocean of talent and awesome potential! So, I started swimming! As time goes on, I become stronger, swimming faster and longer than I could have ever imagined! Now, I'm building a speed boat! (yes, all while swimming! Now THAT, my friends, is talent!)
I don't understand why sometimes we have these epiphanous moments so late in life! **I know, I know, some people say "at least you discovered it while you're still young, your only 28!" but hell, if I'da done it 10 years ago...!** But then again, I would be a different person now...on a completely different journey, with different friends and different experiences. I like my friends and I cherish my experiences (good & bad)...it's made me who I am!!
So, maybe I'll settle for..."hell, if I'da done it 3 months ago!!" LOL But whatevs! It comes when it comes!
Stay tuned! I'm SURE there will be more!!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
it's 3AM. Don't ask.
I've always wondered why some people say, "It's 3AM in the morning." ... as opposed to...???
For the last, hmm, about 4 hours, I've been searching the net for inspiration photos for my design portfolio. I think I have some pretty good options to start. I've realized (not now, but a long time ago) that I should have taken the opportunity to hone my web searching skills when I was an intern in college.
Back in the day (...saying 'back in the day' makes me feel old for some reason! kind of like when your parents are about to tell you a story about when they used to walk 86 miles to school in 50 feet of snow, up hill both ways...), I would literally sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day with not a thing to do. Bored out of my ever lovin' mind! And instead of researching random things & gathering loads of useful (and/or useless) information...I checked my email 11 thousand times. It's not that I was a local celebrity and had a constant influx of unanswered fan mail. No. I was hoping that a new & interesting message would suddenly pop into my inbox and entertain me for the moment.
I would try to do homework, but because I had no other options to distract me, I didn't do that either. I'm kind of strange like that. If i don't have at least ONE option to do something else besides the task at hand (which was usually something i didn't want to do in the first place) I wouldn't do whatever that task was (usually it was homework)! It was the ultimate form of procrastination (with a hint of brattiness!). Hell, I even transferred colleges because i didn't have any other options to distract me from my studies! What's that about? Aaah, youth!
Gmail Alert! Ooh! My horoscope just popped up...let's see what it says:
Cancer Horoscope (June 21 - Jul 22)
You could suffer a bit of depression now as you consider how to make your relationships happier and more supportive. It's not that anything is so bad; it's just that you are determined to get what you want, even if your current satisfaction seems far away. Soften your stance and judge yourself less harshly while you consider all your options.
...umm, yeah. ok. i guess.
I'm not quite sure this one is relevant to my current situation. I guess that happens from time to time. But then again, its only 3 and a half ours into the day, so...
BTW, i'm pretty sure i have ADD.
Friday, February 22, 2008
I got my answer today! I'm going to go about this whole thing the smart way (duh!)...I'm gonna do both! The job will fund the line! It's not rocket science, i know. But the way i got my answer gave me more clarity about my situation.
For some reason, i thought i would have to find the perfect job or start my own shit. But really, i've decided that i need to do what it takes. Get a job to have a paycheck. if i don't embody the customer that i'm designing for, no biggie! as long as i "get it" and can perform accordingly, I'll do what i want when i get home!
So, i wrote out my new plan & I am very pleased.
Thanks, CJ, for the answer i needed to hear today. Like I said, I'm a bit heart broken, but I know it's for the best! We'll collab when the time is right!!
I'm going to go meditate now.
Trust :: Abundance :: Transformation :: Courage
I'm at a crossroad right now. Do i start my own business or go look for a job? It really sucks cuz I need money (as we all do), but i really don't want to get another "job". Even though any job that i get would be in line with my career goals, there's just something about going to a place to do shit that others tell me to do.
I'm ready to grind for what i want, but i just don't have the capital to do it. That's the ONLY thing about having a job that i like... a regular paycheck! But, i guess that's what separates the women from the girls! Who has the balls (or boobs) to do it?!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Greetings! Today i was turned onto blog spot by my boy Ouigi (originator of The Brooklyn Circus & the BKc ... check out their blogs @ theBKcircus). Thanks man!! (i'm awaiting the photos we took a few hours ago so i can post them!)
Anyway, I'm excited to be here, blogging...something i would do from time to time on myspace (throwing up in my mouth a little cuz i'm over myspace, but whatevs!). I'm excited to share my journey with the world. It's pretty dope when you think about it. I never really thought i had a "story" until just recently. I've had numerous epiphanies and "a-ha" moments (are they synonymous?) since the clock struck twelve on New Year's Day. So, i'm going to take this opportunity to start writing about my adventures in life.
No, I'm not a world traveller (...yet) or a super hero (...yet), but I will be. Soon. I feel it in my bones. I'm just an irregular girl living an irregular life & taking it all in stride, the good, the great, and the not so awesome. I have a few tricks up my sleeve and i think it would be amazing to share the journey with others. It's pretty much the beginning of something great.
**I'll have to fill in all the back story some other time (when i feel like it! LOL I'm a Cancer, so i do a lot of things based on how i feel)**
until next time!