You.

I don't get to see You as often as I'd like anymore.

At least not in the way I'd like.

If only You could see me the way I saw You.

If You could only see what I see.

If only You knew what I know.

You have been away for a while.

A long while.

I miss You.

I miss the time we spent.

I miss the moments we shared.

I miss touching You.

I miss hugging You.

I miss the kiss we had.

Now You live only in my dreams.

You are forever at a distance.

I close my eyes.

I hear Your voice.

I watch how You move.

I watch how You walk.

You have a bop in your step.

Like a little boy on his way to buy penny candy.

I hold on to the memories.

I cherish them every day.

I think about all the things You said to me.

I look at photos of You.

I look at photos of us.

I reminisce.

I smile.

I miss You.

Hopefully You will come back again.

Until then, I sit at the end of the dock.

My tiptoes in the water.

The breeze gently stroking my hair.

I watch the sun as it sets beyond the trees.

I sit and I wait for You.

I wait for You to row Your boat back toward the shore.

Waiting for You to come back and take me with You.

I'm SO Mad Right Now...

Seriously.

SERIOUSLY...!?

I had a weird dream last night that I missed my motorcycle class. It was so bizarre, because the REASON I missed the class (in my dream) was because of a time change...like daylight savings time...but instead of an hour forward or back, it was a 2 hour forward time change. So, in my dream when it was 3:30 on the clock (that I apparently forgot to set) it was ACTUALLY 5:30! And since my class started at 4, I missed it. The other thing that pissed me off in my dream was that the time change was meant for that day only and apparently I forgot or didn't even know about it. Yeah, that was my dream.

Wellllllllllllll. Guess what?!

I missed my class today.  And you wanna know by how much? 

1 minute.  

...yeah.

Now. I'm pissed.  Instead of having a computer on my lap, I should have a motorcycle between my legs right now.  But, no.  No, because I missed the exit and had to turn around.  In that time, I missed it.  I missed my fucking motorcycle class.  Now I have to go standby until I get in.

I KNOW there is a reason I missed the class today.  Hell, I'm not getting my bike til Meow get's back from China anyway.  So, honestly, it's not like it was a major fuck up.  But it still sux nonetheless.  I was really looking forward to it. 

So, as with all things in life, I take this one in stride. And, I'll try again another weekend.

dammit.

Left Feeling Unsatisfied...

Went rollerblading again today.  This time I went to Hermosa & didn't go alone. I was allllllll excited to go and groove on my skates again as I had the day before, but the elements were different this time.  I didn't think twice about it though. I was ready to have a good ass time.  I just knew that today would be just as awesome as yesterday...but this time, with a partner.

Yeah, well.  I was wrong.  It's not that my company was bad. Nor was it that the beach was bad.  It's just that it was short lived and I didn't get out of it what I wanted to.  It was like bad sex.  I was all set to go, just getting into the rhythm and...BAM! it was over.  Just as soon as it started, it was over.  It was like the quickie that only worked for the other person.  I was expecting a couple hours of bliss and apparently my partner wanted a quickie.

So, I skated joylessly back to the little wall where I sat earlier to put on my skates.  As I hung my head and pouted, I slowly removed my skates wishing I could have one more go.  I felt like my mom just told me to get out of the pool cuz we were going home.  I sat for another moment and sighed.  Disappointed and unsatisfied. 

But hey, it's not like I haven't felt that way before.  Sometimes you gotta take the good with the bad.  I realize now, that the only way to truly be satisfied, is to do it myself!  This truly applies to so many areas of life, it's crazy.  Look at the bright side, at least my partner got his.  At least someone was satisfied.  I guess it bes like that sometimes. 

Eh.

Rollerblading Part 2: Angel on Skates

I decided to let go and have fun today.  A much needed release.  I'm happy I started listening & finally let my guard down.

Today, for the first time, I allowed myself to see the light in everyone I passed along the bike path; everyone on the basketball court; everyone laying in the grass and sitting on benches. I saw the light in everyone everywhere. It was amazing. The best part...I immediately was able to recognize other conscious beings. We connected eyes, we exchanged smiles, we embraced peace and happiness...all happening within the moment it took me to pass them on my skates.

It was...it is amazing!

After upgrading to Rollerblade 5.0, I glided along the boardwalk listening to my iPod.

Then, John Coltrane came on.  Lush Life.  I almost changed the song cuz I wanted to boogie on my new blades, but something told me not to.  Just let it play.  So, I did. 

I became entranced by the melodic sounds of Coltrane's saxophone.  Gliding effortlessly with every note.  I began to daydream. I danced with my imagination and fell in love.  In my state of bliss, a man came up along side me on his beach cruiser & got my attention.  I unplugged my left earbud, smiled warmly and said, "Hi."   The man looks at me with joy in his eyes and says, "I just wanted to tell you that I've never seen someone so graceful on rollerblades before.  You're like an angel on the bike path.  A rollerblading angel."

I was floored.

I said, "thank you" with a most gracious and generous smile.  

For a moment, and only a moment, we glided alongside one another with a silent, yet engaging pause.

Even though I knew what I was listening to, looked down at my iPod and said, "Oh. I'm listening to John Coltrane." And smiled again.

He says sweetly, "It figures. You move so gracefully."

I say thank you one last time, again with an appreciative smile.

The man says, "No. Thank you, Angel." He smiles and rides off.

I plugged Coltrane back in my ear & smiled to myself as I embraced my experience.

I floated gracefully along the pavement. 

Listening. 

Enjoying. 

Being. 

Me.

Rollerblading Part 1: Getting My Bearings (and Wheels!)

About an hour into my skating, I took a cue from a friend (a mental cue anyway) and decided things would be so much better if I got new wheels and bearings. So, I skated up and down Venice looking for a skate shop. The first shop I found didn't carry any rollerblade anything. The second shop did, but the "service technician" (some chick) wasn't there & they only worked on skates on Mondays & Tuesdays...and since it was Wednesday, I was S.O.L.

The guy at the second shop told me about a skate shop on the boardwalk that serviced rollerblades. He tells me to go down to the 3rd parking lot and go toward The Walk and I will see the shop there.

"Uh, ok." I thought. So, I started skating down the alleys in search of parking lots.

One...

Wait. Was that a parking lot? ...Yeah.

Two...

Mmm. No, I don't think that was a real parking lot.

(skate. skate. skate.)

Two...

Ahh. Yeah, two.

I think.

(skate. skate. skate)

Three.

Or is this two?

Maybe the second one didn't count.

(skate. skate. skate.)

Three. Again.

So, I turned left and headed to The Walk. Another quick left...and there it was!

Boardwalk Skate Shop

Jonathan and Trevor did a bang up job on replacing my shit...




Yay!

Here they are sitting outside...but you can only see Jonathan cuz some lady is blocking Trevor with her entire body...

I skated out of there with the biggest smile on my face. 

As soon as I hit the pavement, I felt like I was at Disney On Ice.  The ride was so smoooooth! 

Ooooh weeee!

Skate on! Skate on!

Going Rollerblading...

Cuz it's the right thing to do!

I haven't been rollerblading at the beach since Yvonne left (almost 2 months ago now). I have to go today. I've been summoned.
(I'll have to post the pix from when she & I went. We had SO much fun! I miss that crazy SOB! *Yvonne, I'm glad you're having an amazing time in Guam! I need you to start blogging, ass!*)

I'm going to the beach today. I'm gonna skate till my legs fall off. I'm gonna be free today.

awesome!

Thank You, Keith Olbermann...

Just a quick thank you to Keith Olbermann for being the voice on national television...



THANK YOU