You know...? Life is a wonderful place to play. There are so many possibilities and opportunities to experience whatever we can imagine...it just depends on what we choose to believe is possible.
My latest challenge has been to see LA with new eyes. When I left here over a year and a half ago, I was all doey-eyed and spring chickenish. On a mission of self-discovery and heart following. Moving to Paris on a hunch. Trusting my instincts & jumping completely into the unknown...into the abyss of Alice's Wonderland...in the midst of it all, I found the key that opened the talking door.
My voice.
Now, I'm back in my old matrix as a new me...and it's almost stranger than Wonderland, to be honest. For some reason, I feel more pressure here than I did when I was floating around the City of Lights [and Love]. I can't really explain it, but it is what it is.
I know for a fact that I've been judging myself pretty harshly and not acknowledging [and remembering!] what I'm capable of...the F.E.A.R can be really heavy at times...bringing me lots of anxiety...but for what? A thought?
Funny thing is, for me, my mojo came so much more easily in Paris. One would think that on "home turf", things would be a breeze...but there's a comfort factor here that leaves room for more stuckness. My most significant challenge since I've been back in the States, has been allowing my personal growth. I forget that I'm a butterfly...and instead of recognizing that and allowing my new wings the time to dry...I mentally jam myself back into that old cocoon. Whereas, in Paris, everything was fresh & new, and the shear excitement of it all kept me on my toes. There's no time for judgment when you gotta learn a new language and survive in a foreign land! I mean, there was fear, don't get me wrong--there was plenty of it--but, I was able to work through it much faster...I had to!
Saying all that to say...
I did my first "LA performance" a couple of weeks ago at an open mic and, let me just say, "OH! What a feeling!" It was like a drug! Dancing and singing with über talented musicians took me to a place I'd never been before. I want MORE!
I rode on that energetic high well into the following day. What a great experience!
[Admittedly, I was still very shy with my voice...I felt it...but, nonetheless, I worked out so much shit on that stage. It makes me wonder why I'm so shy to continue!]
Petit a petit, l'oiseau fait son nid!
Baby steps.
I mean, today, I'm motivated...I'm excited even...to get with some more talented musicians and jam. Feeling and freestyling.
Then...I get to thinking too much and scare myself half to death with just the idea of being in front of people, my knees start shaking!
I'm a strange one, let me tell you.
The thing that brings me the most pleasure....is also the thing that scares the living shit out of me!
I guess that means I'm on the right track.
#life101
stay tuned...
♡.
me
Friday, February 25, 2011
Inspired to Write...
Life is a funny thing...
I've had some interesting experiences as of late...I'm not quite sure what the Universe is trying to tell me...sometimes I feel like I'm misinterpreting the signs. But then again, why is everything that is so seemingly random, occurring so often? Aside from that, I'm encountering a helluva lot of double and triple numbers.
more to come....
I've had some interesting experiences as of late...I'm not quite sure what the Universe is trying to tell me...sometimes I feel like I'm misinterpreting the signs. But then again, why is everything that is so seemingly random, occurring so often? Aside from that, I'm encountering a helluva lot of double and triple numbers.
more to come....
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Working Thru Resistance...
I'm currently feeling an incredible resistance in moving forward with pretty much everything in my life right now...especially my music.
I can't tell you what exactly is holding me in this spot...but whatever it is [fear], it's strong. It's crazy.
I've been attempting to write my bio for [at least] a month now and every time I get to the page to begin, I stare at the blinking cursor and my mind shoots directly into outer space. There's a part of me that is resisting because I don't like writing about myself...another part of me is resisting the same way I resist when it comes to writing a resume [it's an arduous task for me, I detest doing stuff like that]...and then there's something in me that has my hands and mind energetically tied.
A friend of mine even offered to write my bio for me (which I was excited about and I absolutely appreciate), but shortly thereafter, the Universe delivers me a message "No one can write your life story better than you."
Dammit.
Now I really have to write this damn thing.
eh.
You would think it would be easy, but it's not.
Not for me anyway.
All that runs thru my mind is "Why the hell do I need a bio anyway? Can't I just say that I'm from a galaxy far, far away and let that be it?"
So, there's that.
As I write this, my guides tell me that "Yes, I can...It's YOUR bio...say whatever you want!"
I realize that my hang up is "What will other people think? Those who 'know' me?" [Well, I know better than that! Let people say whatever they want. At the end of the day, no one really knows me better than me. I don't need to appease the masses with something that would make them feel more comfortable with something I'm saying or doing ESPECIALLY when it's about ME!]
::*side note*:: I just realized after reading the above paragraph, that this "dilemma" is all a head game. My [egos] imagination has gone so far as to attach the idea that someone else find my bio unacceptable...when in fact, there IS NO "someone else"! It stems from a negative subconscious program of feeling inadequate. When in fact, I know that I am always good enough...I am a divine being, here to create my own experience based on my own desires. ::*end side note*::
So, my bio's gonna be creative, beautiful, and from my heart.
If it's not good enough for anyone other than me...fuckit!...it's gonna be good enough for me!
Writing.
This is how I work thru my resistance.
Thanks for reading!
kiss kiss bang bang!
I can't tell you what exactly is holding me in this spot...but whatever it is [fear], it's strong. It's crazy.
I've been attempting to write my bio for [at least] a month now and every time I get to the page to begin, I stare at the blinking cursor and my mind shoots directly into outer space. There's a part of me that is resisting because I don't like writing about myself...another part of me is resisting the same way I resist when it comes to writing a resume [it's an arduous task for me, I detest doing stuff like that]...and then there's something in me that has my hands and mind energetically tied.
A friend of mine even offered to write my bio for me (which I was excited about and I absolutely appreciate), but shortly thereafter, the Universe delivers me a message "No one can write your life story better than you."
Dammit.
Now I really have to write this damn thing.
eh.
You would think it would be easy, but it's not.
Not for me anyway.
All that runs thru my mind is "Why the hell do I need a bio anyway? Can't I just say that I'm from a galaxy far, far away and let that be it?"
So, there's that.
As I write this, my guides tell me that "Yes, I can...It's YOUR bio...say whatever you want!"
I realize that my hang up is "What will other people think? Those who 'know' me?" [Well, I know better than that! Let people say whatever they want. At the end of the day, no one really knows me better than me. I don't need to appease the masses with something that would make them feel more comfortable with something I'm saying or doing ESPECIALLY when it's about ME!]
::*side note*:: I just realized after reading the above paragraph, that this "dilemma" is all a head game. My [egos] imagination has gone so far as to attach the idea that someone else find my bio unacceptable...when in fact, there IS NO "someone else"! It stems from a negative subconscious program of feeling inadequate. When in fact, I know that I am always good enough...I am a divine being, here to create my own experience based on my own desires. ::*end side note*::
So, my bio's gonna be creative, beautiful, and from my heart.
If it's not good enough for anyone other than me...fuckit!...it's gonna be good enough for me!
Writing.
This is how I work thru my resistance.
Thanks for reading!
kiss kiss bang bang!
♡
me.
Monday, October 18, 2010
theGoldenChild
I'm happy about this.
Petit a petit
l'Oiseau fait son nid
thank you to everyone and everything and all things and no things!!
thank you!
:-)
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Take A Chance!
"Don't listen to those who say, 'You're taking too big a chance.' Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today. Most important, don't listen when the little voice of fear inside you rears its ugly head and says. 'They're all smarter than you out there. They're more talented, they're taller, blonder, prettier, luckier, and they have connections. I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you'll be a person worthy of your own respects."
[~NeilSimon]
[~NeilSimon]
Saturday, September 11, 2010
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