Becoming...

My horoscope yesterday suggested that I step outside of my comfort zone.
With the knowing that I have, it makes perfect sense to me. You have to change in order to effect change in your life. Think the things you always thought, get the things you always got.

I get that.

As I would love to step outside of this zone, the truth is, I don't really know how. I think this is mainly because I don't even recognize my comfort zone[!]. Strange, no? I mean, I feel like I must be in some kind of place of complacency, because I find myself stuck in a certain pattern of behavior. However, I'm having trouble finding the emergency exit.


Remember the ball cage at Chuck E. Cheese? You know, the big "pool" of multicolored plastic balls that you jump in that brought you complete and total ecstasy as a kid? I imagine myself in the center of said ball cage...with the exception that it's the size of 10 football fields.

I mean, it's fun for a while, but when you're tired, hungry, and you just want to go home, it can get scary. Lost in a rainbow abyss of synthetic orbs, you cry for someone to come to your rescue...but there's no one there but you. Then you think to yourself, or in some cases out loud, or both, "Oh Fuck![!] What do I do now?!"

Some of us just start heading in one direction, any direction, determined to find our escape. Others swim around and around directionless hoping we'll stumble across the exit eventually. Some pray that God will part the balls right down the middle and lead us into salvation. While another number of us just freeze up, paralyzed and unable to move from the spot where we stand, crippled by fear of whatever [this may or may not be accompanied with hysterical crying, it really depends on the person].

Then there are those who really get it. The ones who know. These are the people who sit still, calm their minds, and listen. They allow their inner guidance to lead them in the right direction. Moment by moment, they follow their intuition and make the decisions that bring them safely to the right door leading them out of the unnerving and into a newer, calmer experience.

Well, let me tell you that, at some point in my life, I've been all of the former "people" and am working my way toward being the latter. I will admit, publicly, that I could, in fact, be more diligent about becoming one who really gets it. Many times, I find myself reverting back to the first group...mainly the frozen, hysterical crying person [ack!]. However, I find that this is just part of the journey. My ego wants to be there already, it always wants to be there already...but my spirit knows that it's all about the journey; this is where we learn how to appreciate the magic of life and of our experiences.


With that said, I have decided to work more fervently toward achieving the state of knowing and following my intuition. Even though it may be hard to hear at times, especially when the shit is about to hit the fan [or has already hit the fan & is spewing shit all over the place], ALL the answers are within. We never need to look outside ourselves for any answer to any question. We just need to be quiet enough, patient enough and allow ourselves to LISTEN.

...and the answer will be there. As plain as day.

You just have to listen.