Let Love.

[The title has inspired a painting.]

I saw You today.
I saw how hard it was to stay mad at You for even a moment.
It was like yelling at a puppy.
I instantly felt bad... and silly.

I had to restrain.
To resist.
To control the urge to grab You and kiss You.
I even played off the gestured hug.

Instead, I just smiled inside... and adored You.

As I reflect on the Moment.
As I replay it in My mind.
I think about what the outcome would have been.
Had I not refrained.
Had I just let Love.

I hold back because of You.
I hold back only in Your presence.
I do it for You.
I understand.
That is my reason.

My Heart is overflowing.
Bursting.
My head is trying to keep it under control.
It's an arduous task.
One that shouldn't be necessary.
But is.

I Pray silently.

Please, don't break My heart.
I ask.

I wait.

I let Love.

Back To Life...

It's BACK! 

My computer is back to life!

She's like new again.

Yay!

I am complete.

ahh.

A Death...

My computer died of an apparent bad hard drive yesterday. I lost everything...Ever-y-THING!

I took my computer to the Apple Store & they said they'll have to perform a hard drive transplant. It's gonna take a few days. Major surgery. They had to airlift my laptop to the best Apple hospital in the nation. So, I know my baby is in good hands.

Needless to say, I won't be blogging for a while (well, at least not until the Apple Store calls me and says my laptop is out of the ICU.)

Until then.

I will try and hold back my tears.

Di Plane! Di Plane!

So, I’m on my way to New York by way of Delta Airlines and it has been quite an olfactory ride to say the least. It all began with me I guess. I brought 2 bananas on board thinking I would be enjoying my “dinner” aboard this fine aircraft. But, then it dawned on me…banana peels stink after-the-fact. So, I decided not to indulge. I ate a less-stinky Snicker bar instead.

Despite my effort to keep some sort of neutral olfactory ground, someone else in the vicinity decided against it. He or she decided a beef and bean burrito from Del Taco was a grand idea prior to boarding. Needless to say the unpleasantries to follow were not very polite. I decided at that moment that breathing thru my mouth was in my best interest.

I continued to read Conversations With God and I couldn’t help but wish that God would’ve had a conversation with Mr. McToots before he pulled into the drive-thru. But, I guess not everyone is ready to engage in such grand dialogues.

Since I’m on an overnight flight I knew that I should get as much “sleep” as I could cuz I’m only in New York for 2 and a half days and sleep is really not an option. As I prepared to go nite-nite, my nostrils were overcome by the glorious scent of Ben Gay. (And we all know how delicious Ben Gay smells!) Man.

Seriously. I would love to have a one-on-one with these people in an attempt to understand their logic. Ben Gay? On a PLANE? Really? REALLY?! Good one, Champ! I would love to go to your house and see your Special Olympics trophy for “Smartest Athlete in a Timed Trial”.

I fall asleep listening to my meditative World Flutes on my iPod. Drifting off into aero-dreamland, I try my best to keep my neck as erect as possible and my face forward. Nothing is worse than goosenecking on a plane (think sleeping-baby-in-car-seat). Every now and again, I come to & catch myself with my mouth open. I close it and slip back into my in-flight coma.

Did I mention I’m in a middle seat? Yeah. Thanks, Andre!

What feels like hours later (which was probably more like 45 minutes), I peel my eyes open and wake up. I swear the flight attendants walk by sleeping passengers and put glue in their eyes as they get their “rest”. Never in any other situation do my eyes get more pasty and dry than on an airplane. I could smoke a pound of Mary Jane all by myself and my eyes would be “watery” in comparison to how they feel right now. Luckily for me, I carry a bottle of Visene everywhere I go. Salvation!

I take a swig of my $14 bottle of Aquafina from the airport “gift shop”, look around, “stretch” and go back to “sleep”. [yes, the quotation marks are quite purposeful. Have you ever traveled on an airplane? If so, you know what’s up.]

Next thing I know, the flight attendant is there with his cart full of “goodies” (a.k.a. ridiculously overpriced convenience store treats) and “snacks” (a.k.a. underwhelming free shit that the airline is obligated to offer as part of their “service” to you as a passenger – processed cheese crackers, toddler cookies and peanuts. Ooh, yaaay…!). The lady next to me bought a $3 bag of peanut M&Ms! THREE DOLLARS?! For fucking M&Ms?! It’s not like it was the one pound bag either. It was the equivalent of a regular bag and a half. Three fucking dollars. Some people just gotta have their M&Ms I guess. I collected my processed freebie snacks and headed back to dreamland.

When I woke up again, I was most certain we were in our final decent. Wrong again. I still had 2 hours to go…awesome. That’s when I decided to start this blog.

*sidebar* Did you know that your feet swell in-flight? Yeah, I didn’t either, until just now. I wiggled my toes inside my boots & noticed that my pinky to and my big to are having an affair. I’m afraid to take these suckers off. I just may have boot-shaped feet after deplaning.

It was about 2:47am (LA time) when I said Good Morning to the world. I looked out the window over the guy who what knocked-the-fuck-out next to me and saw the most beautiful horizon.



And then…ahhhh! Ben Gay again!

This is gonna be a fuuuuun trip!

Mem'riiiiiiiiies From The Corner Of My Miiiind...

Today I went thru old messages in my myspace inbox dating WAY back to October of '04.  I reread quite a few of them and realized how much I have grown in the last 4 years...and all the friends I've kept in touch with as well as those I lost touch with.  It's pretty amazing really.  Reading old messages from old friends and the conversations we had...it was very nostalgic. 

I also came across a few "first contact" messages from my now very good friends...hell, family at this point.  As I reread the messages, I couldn't help but smile a little (and sometimes a lot).  Looking back on where I was and WHO I was when I first received those messages.  Then, as I continued to read the O.G. messages, I thought about how well I now know the people who sent them.  Knowing their personalities, their izms (as CJ would put it), knowing WHO they are now, but not knowing who they were THEN.  It's almost like reading an old diary or going back to the future with the knowledge you have present day.  It was pretty awesome actually.

If I only knew then...

He's In!

We are finally one step closer to Obama's inauguration.  I know the man has a challenging road ahead of him, but I have no doubt in my mind that he will be able to make the Change he promises.  This is one hell of a man we've got who is ready to lead this country to great new heights.  He is the change we have longed for for ages.  He is nothing short of amazing.

I am not worried about Obama one bit. I know in my heart that he really is going to turn this country around. We definitely need it. I truly believe that this is going to be the most riveting presidency we will experience in our lifetime. I have so much faith in this man's abilities that I know he will be able to bring this country together, FINALLY. And there are a lot of others out there who wholly think the same. I'm not saying or implying that it will be an easy task by any means, but I do know that his second term is gonna be phenomenal!

To all you naysayers, doubtful thinkers, and/or worriers, I say...

Keep looking at the bright side. Eventually you will be able to see the source of the light!

That's the way I look at things!

OBAMA '08!

Love.

I didn't realize until just now how much I truly believe in Love.

I went to see the Sex And The City movie with a couple of friends tonight.  And, as we all do after a movie, we talked about it.  But this time, I didn't really talk.  I just listened.  I listened to one friend talk about how depressed she felt and how he was this and she was that and on and on. (I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone who reads this blog.  Plus, it's not about the movie anyway, so the details are just that...details.)

After listening to my girl lament about how she felt about love and relationships.  I said, "Well.  I believe in love. So...hey" and smiled and shrugged my shoulders.  And that's right when it hit me.  

I believe in Love.  What a great, great feeling!  

It's a bit strange because I instantly felt separate from my friends.  I felt different. My opinions were unlike theirs.  I was in a much happier place and I couldn't complain about Love.  Even though I've had my heart broken a thousand times, the darn thing just keeps on beating.  And I am thankful for that.  I mean, honestly. How can I complain about something so amazing?

Now, don't get me wrong.  It's not that my friend was necessarily complaining about Love itself, but she was definitely focused on the smaller things--the reasons why Carrie and Big's relationship shouldn't have been...the reasons why Carrie should be mad and Big was selfish (again, details).  But, at the end of the day, no matter what, they were still in love & they had that.  Love overcame all the small things. [Without giving it away, I do understand why my girl was so mad at Big and she has every right to feel that way.  However, since I believe that Love conquers all, everything else is just details...bullshit.]

My belief in Love goes way beyond the love between a man and a woman (or man/man or woman/woman...to each their own).  It goes way beyond intimate relationships.  My belief in Love encompasses all Love.  The Love between lovers.  The Love between friends.  The Love between family members.  The Love between people.  The Love for self.  Love in general. 

All the things I have been taught about Love, especially in the last few months, have provided me with a much clearer understanding of not only the word, but also the feeling and the power behind it.  Love is abundant and we are all capable of giving It and receiving It.  And not for one moment will I ever discount It.  I will never take It for granted.  I will never speak badly of It.  How can I?  I know what it feels like to receive Love.  I know what it feels like to give Love.  I know what it feels like to be in Love.  I know what it feels like to make Love.  It's a good thing.  Hell, It's a GREAT thing!

After parting ways with my friends, when I got to my car, I took a moment to really digest what I was feeling.  Instantly, a sentiment of happiness came over me. A sentiment of Love.  I started my car and It's A Love Thing by The Whispers blasted from my speakers.  As I drove home, I sang along, bopped my head and danced behind the wheel.  And for the first time, I really, truly FELT the words...IT'S A LOVE THANG!  I played the song over and over until I got home.

It is truly a Love thang!

Yes.

Yes it is.