Friday, February 25, 2011

Life Experience...

You know...? Life is a wonderful place to play.  There are so many possibilities and opportunities to experience whatever we can just depends on what we choose to believe is possible.

My latest challenge has been to see LA with new eyes.  When I left here over a year and a half ago, I was all doey-eyed and spring chickenish.  On  a mission of self-discovery and heart following.  Moving to Paris on a hunch. Trusting my instincts & jumping completely into the unknown...into the abyss of Alice's the midst of it all, I found the key that opened the talking door.

My voice.

Now, I'm back in my old matrix as a new me...and it's almost stranger than Wonderland, to be honest.  For some reason, I feel more pressure here than I did when I was floating around the City of Lights [and Love].  I can't really explain it, but it is what it is.
I know for a fact that I've been judging myself pretty harshly and not acknowledging [and remembering!] what I'm capable of...the F.E.A.R can be really heavy at times...bringing me lots of anxiety...but for what? A thought?

Funny thing is, for me, my mojo came so much more easily in Paris.  One would think that on "home turf", things would be a breeze...but there's a comfort factor here that leaves room for more stuckness.  My most significant challenge since I've been back in the States, has been allowing my personal growth.  I forget that I'm a butterfly...and instead of recognizing that and allowing my new wings the time to dry...I mentally jam myself back into that old cocoon. Whereas, in Paris, everything was fresh & new, and the shear excitement of it all kept me on my toes. There's no time for judgment when you gotta learn a new language and survive in a foreign land!  I mean, there was fear, don't get me wrong--there was plenty of it--but, I was able to work through it much faster...I had to!  

Saying all that to say...

I did my first "LA performance" a couple of weeks ago at an open mic and, let me just say, "OH! What a feeling!"  It was like a drug!  Dancing and singing with ├╝ber talented musicians took me to a place I'd never been before.  I want MORE!
I rode on that energetic high well into the following day.  What a great experience! 
[Admittedly, I was still very shy with my voice...I felt it...but, nonetheless, I worked out so much shit on that stage.  It makes me wonder why I'm so shy to continue!]

Petit a petit, l'oiseau fait son nid!

Baby steps.

I mean, today, I'm motivated...I'm excited get with some more talented musicians and jam.  Feeling and freestyling.

Then...I get to thinking too much and scare myself half to death with just the idea of being in front of people, my knees start shaking!

I'm a strange one, let me tell you.

The thing that brings me the most also the thing that scares the living shit out of me!

I guess that means I'm on the right track.


stay tuned...


Inspired to Write...

Life is a funny thing...

I've had some interesting experiences as of late...I'm not quite sure what the Universe is trying to tell me...sometimes I feel like I'm misinterpreting the signs.  But then again, why is everything that is so seemingly random, occurring so often?  Aside from that, I'm encountering a helluva lot of double and triple numbers.

more to come....
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