Sunday, December 28, 2008

Yeah...Cuz Yeah.

It's obvious...I don't blog anymore. My one fan left me...I don't blame them. I haven't written shit in months! Why? Cuz I don't have innanet in my house anymore. I have to go coffee shop hoppin' and wi-fi husslin. SO, I don't write when the urge strikes (cuz usually I'm at home when it does...vicious cycle.)

I know 2009 is going to be different. '09 is going to be full of amazingness...mark my words! What will likely happen is that I'll have wireless access thru my new Blackberry (which, at this present moment, is finding its way into my experience!)...then I blog. Photos, stories, bullshit and all! Oooooh, exciting!

In the meantime, I've been reading other people's blogs, laughing at...with them and their experiences. **Brad, you're awesome!**
All the while, missing the fact that I used to blog a million times a week! But it's ok.

I've had a lot to write about, but I don't think it was interesting enough to post...actually, that's a lie...I just didn't feel like typing and explaining all that shit! My figuring is this...new year, new outlook, no need to explain! (at least for my "audience" it will be easier to "get it")

Beginning Sunday night (the 28th), I'm fasting. Fasting from all things 3D...(I'm not going to expand on my terminology. Sorry for those who don't "get it")...until Weds night just in time to bring in the New Year! I'm choosing to be with Self for NYE...Spiritually focused and journaling (hopefully via voice recorder) the experience! (maybe I'll transcribe it here once it's all over...but that's not a definite...especially since I have NO CLUE what my experiences will be during that time!)

Happy New Year to all & watch what unfolds!

Love & Light!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

...Classic!



See how much MORE fun the White House will be...?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Dancin' & Skinny DIppin'

I love my life.
I really do!

Went out with my very awesome friend to Carbon last night (it's a lil...and I mean LIL club in Culver City...very New Yorkish) and got my boogie on. Afterward, we indulged ourselves in a bit of guerrilla style skinny dippin' @ his friend's pool in Los Feliz. F-U-N!

I need a pool!

Last night was truly amazing...even more amazing...the company I keep. I love your energy, babe! You are truly fantastic & I love you tons! [we MUST do it again...soon!]

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Manifestation At Its Finest!

I am all about Universal Consciousness and living the life you so choose.
So, this week, I manifested some awesomeness. I found myself on the set of Common's new video. It was a 2-day shoot in LA. Not only did I get to meet Common, but I also met Hype Williams and Pharrell. All 3 artists who I respect very much. Can I just say, that all three were cool as a fuckin fan! Awesome Beings with great energy (and handsome as they wanna be!).

I don't write this to boast about the "celebrities" I meet. Cuz, I could give a damn about fame. I share this because, I was able to manifest an encounter that I desired. I put it out into the Universe and watched it happen.

Besides meeting 2 amazing musicians and a phenomenal director, I met some other very beautiful folks...and learned a lot about myself in the process. This was the first time some things really "clicked" for me. I was able to see things in others that I once carried myself. I was able to do some healing for myself and help others in the process. My journey is constantly changing and I am evolving much more quickly as I encounter new situations. For this I am sooo thankful.

I have to give kudos to MIC as well. We put it out there & both ended up on set & made some great connections! Good job love! I'm so SO happy you were there.
Also, I must give thanks to my girl, Shine. You rock! And will now rock with a musical genius! I can't wait until you start recording your album! You are truly amazing, darling!

Many thanks to both of you for being such a great support for me and partners in crime...or shall I say...partners in consciousness! Love you mucho!!

This weeks lesson: Nothing is impossible. Put it out there and let the Universe do its thang!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Finally...A Blog! Ha!

Yeah, it's been a miiiiiiiiiinute...but, for good reason!
I've been essentially "working on myself" for the past few months. It's turned out to be a really good thing. I've missed writing, but wasn't in the right space (mentally or emotionally) to blog. But, I'm back now! All jazzy and full of awesomeness!

So, I know there's been a lot of what-the-fuck-has-she-been-doing-all-this-goddamn-time goin around (yes, I'm talking to you OG! LOL), but I can definitely say that I am a different person from the last "real" blog I wrote. (and I'm still changing, mind you! It's all for the better, TRUST me!)

I've broken a lot of records...not in an Olympic sense, but in a you're-fucking-up-your-life-by-thinking-this-way sense...namely how I saw & treated myself and allowed others to treat me. Needless to say, the blogs about the guy I was infatuated with once upon a time, will be no more. I broke that fucked-up record back in July, and BOY OH BOY was THAT liberating!! I've even got video of the day that I did it (no, he's not starring in it, sorry folks! But that woulda been sweeeeet!). I like to look back on it and think about how much my self-worth & self-esteem shot thru the roof that day! It was 2 days before my birthday & it couldn't have come at a better time. I knew it was long overdue & I'm proud of myself for accomplishing such a milestone in my life. I literally broke a pattern that I had since I knew what boys were (...so, yeah that was a long time!).

In the last few months, I've discovered a new talent (and something I was always meant to do)...PAINTING (art, not houses!). I'm really enjoying it and I've found that I'm pretty good at it too! I'll post some of it eventually. I'm working on a website and few other things.

**ok, so I'm sitting at the Coffee Bean on Sunset & swear I just saw Ben Stiller walk in...double take...yeah, not so much. His ears are too small, he's 3 inches too tall and looks like a Brit**

...back to our regularly scheduled program...

uhhh, oh...ok, so yeah, I'm painting, creating, and doing a ton of yoga (for free too!). Can I just say, that yoga has sculpted my body so deliciously that I'm pretty impressed. I can't stay outta the mirror! Woo-hoo! I recommend it to anyone.
Ok, enough about me...

Now, back to me...(laughing)
While I was "in the trenches" working on my Frankenstein (but way sexier and not so stiff), I thought about how I wanted to return to blogging. Which direction did I want to go...what did I want to say...or not say...what I wanted to talk about...etc, etc. I've discovered that as I'm writing now, I'd like to go with a no-holds-barred approach. Write exactly what the fuck I feel like! (...and spell out all the curse words! ahhhh! that feels good :-> ) I know my family reads my blogs, and at one point it crossed my mind, "do I want them to know all that??"...but now I say "fuckit, why not. If it's on the innanet, it ain't no secret!" LOL

[Dear Perverts,
I'm not saying I'm posting my entire sex life detail by detail on my blog. But I may make reference to a lil' sumthin' sumthin' here and there. It is, after all, part of theGoldenChild Adventures!]

Also, I am changing my comment posting options...no more "Anonymous" posts...(as to avoid further stalker comments and dumb people - of which I don't publish). Sorry, OG, but you know how the saying goes...one bad apple... [you can always create an OpenID, if you still want to cocmment]

And, to all of you who don't like my blog...I could give a flying frisbee! If you don't like it, do us both a favor, stop reading. Why bother with the 2 minutes it takes to write a comment I'm not going to post. Eventho you're secretly in love with my ramblings, there is no need to waste both of our time. ; ) Thanks!

With that said, I'm going to write as often as I can (for those of you who do get a kick out of my shit). However, since I currently owe Time Warner some greenbacks, it won't be as often as I'd like. I'm presently hustlin' some free Wi-Fi from the coffee shop - WHICH I might say has gotten me some interesting experiences, delicious coffee and new friends. So, even after I pay up, I may keep on keepin' on the innanet hustle!

Thanks, y'all, for being so patient. I look forward to writing more ramblings and stories - and reading your comments!

Peace, Love & Light!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

F-in' Awesome!

I must say how amazed I am...! I appreciate the fact that I haven't written a new blog in forevs & more ppl are reading! Thanks to all of you!

I will be writing very very soon! I have so much to share...my life has changed exponentially in the last month and a half and is STILL changing! I'm gonna have to write a book or something LOL!

Love ya!

me.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Eeeek! I'm SOOOO Excited!

Lookie, Lookie! I FINALLY got it after allll these years of saying "I wanna play the bass". Well, future fans, the wait is ova! Here she is in all her glory! (She's still unnamed, but that will change soon!)

Photobucket

I will follow up with the story later.

:D

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Good Read...Visualization & Manifestation

Visualize and Affirm Your Desired Outcomes: A Step-by-Step Guide
By Jack Canfield, America’s Success Coach

You have within you an awesome power that most of us have never been taught to use. Elite athletes use it. The super rich use it. And peak performers in all fields are now starting to use it. That power is called visualization. The daily practice of visualizing your dreams as already complete can rapidly accelerate your achievement of those dreams. Visualization of your goals and desires accomplishes four very important things.

1. It activates your creative subconscious which will start generating creative ideas to achieve your goal.

2. It programs your brain to more readily perceive and recognize the resources you will need to achieve your dreams.

3. It activates the law of attraction, thereby drawing into your life the people, resources, and circumstances you will need to achieve your goals.

4. It builds your internal motivation to take the necessary actions to achieve your dreams.

Visualization is really quite simple. You sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes and imagine — in as vivid detail as you can — what you would be looking at if the dream you have were already realized. Imagine being inside of yourself, looking out through your eyes at the ideal result.

Mental Rehearsal
Athletes call this visualization process “mental rehearsal,” and they have been using it since the 1960s when we learned about it from the Russians. All you have to do is set aside a few minutes a day. The best times are when you first wake up, after meditation or prayer, and right before you go to bed. These are the times you are most relaxed. Go through the following three steps:

1. Imagine sitting in a movie theater, the lights dim, and then the movie starts. It is a movie of you doing perfectly whatever it is that you want to do better. See as much detail as you can create, including your clothing, the expression on your face, small body movements, the environment and any other people that might be around. Add in any sounds you would be hearing — traffic, music, other people talking, cheering. And finally, recreate in your body any feelings you think you would be experiencing as you engage in this activity.

2. Get out of your chair, walk up to the screen, open a door in the screen and enter into the movie. Now experience the whole thing again from inside of yourself, looking out through your eyes. This is called an “embodied image” rather than a “distant image.” It will deepen the impact of the experience. Again, see everything in vivid detail, hear the sounds you would hear, and feel the feelings you would feel.

3. Finally, walk back out of the screen that is still showing the picture of you performing perfectly, return to your seat in the theater, reach out and grab the screen and shrink it down to the size of a cracker. Then, bring this miniature screen up to your mouth, chew it up and swallow it. Imagine that each tiny piece — just like a hologram — contains the full picture of you performing well. Imagine all these little screens traveling down into your stomach and out through the bloodstream into every cell of your body. Then imagine that every cell of your body is lit up with a movie of you performing perfectly. It’s like one of those appliance store windows where 50 televisions are all tuned to the same channel.

When you have finished this process — it should take less than five minutes — you can open your eyes and go about your business. If you make this part of your daily routine, you will be amazed at how much improvement you will see in your life.

Create Goal Pictures
Another powerful technique is to create a photograph or picture of yourself with your goal, as if it were already completed. If one of your goals is to own a new car, take your camera down to your local auto dealer and have a picture taken of yourself sitting behind the wheel of your dream car. If your goal is to visit Paris, find a picture or poster of the Eiffel Tower and cut out a picture of yourself and place it into the picture. With today’s technology, you could probably make an even more convincing image using your computer.

Create a Visual Picture and an Affirmation for Each Goal
We recommend that you find or create a picture of every aspect of your dream life. Create a picture or a visual representation for every goal you have — financial, career, recreation, new skills and abilities, things you want to purchase, and so on. When we were writing the very first Chicken Soup for the Soul® book, we took a copy of the New York Times best seller list, scanned it into our computer, and using the same font as the newspaper, typed Chicken Soup for the Soul into the number one position in the “Paperback Advice, How-To and Miscellaneous” category. We printed several copies and hung them up around the office. Less than two years later, our book was the number one book in that category and stayed there for over a year!

Index Cards
We practice a similar discipline every day. We each have a list of about 30-40 goals we are currently working on. We write each goal on a 3x5 index card and keep those cards near our bed and take them with us when we travel. Each morning and each night we go through the stack of cards, one at a time, read the card, close our eyes, see the completion of that goal in its perfect desired state for about 15 seconds, open our eyes and repeat the process with the next card.

Use Affirmations to Support Your Visualization
An affirmation is a statement that evokes not only a picture, but the experience of already having what you want. Here’s an example of an affirmation:
I am happily vacationing 2 months out of the year in a tropical paradise,
and working just four days a week owning my own business.

Repeating an affirmation several times a day keeps you focused on your goal, strengthens your motivation, and programs your subconscious by sending an order to your crew to do whatever it takes to make that goal happen.

Expect Results
Through writing down your goals, using the power of visualization and repeating your affirmations, you can achieve amazing results. Visualization and affirmations allow you to change your beliefs, assumptions, and opinions about the most important person in your life — YOU! They allow you to harness the 18 billion brain cells in your brain and get them all working in a singular and purposeful direction.

Your subconscious will become engaged in a process that transforms you forever. The process is invisible and doesn’t take a long time. It just happens over time, as long as you put in the time to visualize and affirm, surround yourself with positive people, read uplifting books and listen to audio programs that flood your mind with positive, life-affirming messages.

Repeat your affirmations every morning and night for a month and they will become an automatic part of your thinking — they will become woven into the very fabric of your being.

© 2006 Jack Canfield
________________________________________
Jack Canfield, America’s Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and the nation's leading authority on Peak Performance. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at www.JackCanfield.com

Friday, July 11, 2008

I Need...

A video camera!

I'm currently taking donations...

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Celebrating A Re-Birthday...

My birthday is Saturday (the 5th for those keeping track! LOL), initially I thought I would just spend the day doing whatever I want (which I still will) but may or may not "celebrate" with friends. But, today, I've realized that I will be not only celebrating the anniversary of my great entrance onto this planet (thanks, Mom!)...I will be celebrating my rebirth.

Over the last week, I've had so many good things happen to me. I was able to have my chakras realigned (for free!), I've been treated like a princess, I've met some amazing people with amazing journeys, I've eaten AMAZING Authentic Mongolian Cuisine!...and I've freed myself from my own drama...I've finally dropped "the Story". And this shit feels good! I have finally experienced euphoria...bliss. This is such an amazing feeling. I am cracking the cocoon! A butterfly will be born Saturday, July 5th, 2008!

So, today I celebrate my liberation from my "self" and celebrate joy itself. This is a great start heading into a birthday, is it not...?!! ;)

I'm going to buy myself a tiara today & special order a cupcake.

This is F*CKING AWESOME!

(as Jimi plays in the background "Excuse me while I kiss the sky...")
and I'm wearing my Hendrix tee right now!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

What If...

Babies really laughed like this...? Would we think it's as cute?



Awww, babies!

Sounds kinda like a bad smoker's cough! Give that boy a cocktail and some more nickels for the slot machine!!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Aww...Sorry OG!!

Not sure how much longer...but all good things are manifesting.

Thank you for being such an awesome devotee!

*smile* (feeling super spesh!)

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Not Until My Chakras Are Aligned...

I can't blog until I'm straightened out. It is coming soon.

Thanks for your patience! (me included...! *smiling*)

Love.

Me.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

This Made Me Smile...

Reading thru my blog subscriptions this morning, I came across this cute lil' cartoon on Drawn! The Illustration & Cartoon Blog. Even thought it's made for toddlers, it still made me smile.

Enjoy...

Wobbly Land

Monday, June 23, 2008

Lemme 'Splain You...

I know you two think I'm a bit off my rocker, especially lately. I don't know if you have each read all of my posts or if you came in somewhere in the middle. Either way, you have noticed a change in my blog topics & maybe even the vibe.

Allow me to explain.

Over the last 6 months, I have been on an amazing Life journey. Ups and downs. Lefts and rights (and wrongs). A conundrum of emotions and a billion and one thoughts. As I have grown Spiritually, I have experienced some very interesting events. Ranging from "A-Ha" moments to Enlightenment to dreams becoming reality (vs deja vu) to receiving Messages and Visions. Trust me when I say that there have been many a time where I thought I was going insane (as you seem to have shared that thought).

During the months of May and June, I haven't blogged the way I used to. My evolution has moved along so rapidly, that I haven't had the desire to blog as much. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't enjoy it, but things are different for me now. My thoughts and feelings are all over the place. I am growing as a human, as a woman, and into a Spiritual Being. And along with that comes a lot of interesting experiences.

I am learning to allow myself to let Love and to make Peace. It's rough sometimes when you truly care about someone, it's difficult to let them walk away from you. I am a woman. I have a heart just like everyone else. But, my goal, for my evolution, is to cherish every moment that I am given in Life. Whether it be with another person, whether it be in Nature, or whether it be with me & the Universe.

My blogs, especially the last two that piqued each of your interest, were in direct relation to my Spiritual growth and a Vision I had. They don't need to make sense to you or to anyone else. They make sense to me. The beauty of my blogging is that I'm not here to make myself out to be this or that. I'm not here to make sure I fit into someone else's box. I write what I want no matter what. My blog is my release. Call me crazy if you will. Think that I take cold showers and smoke laced joints. Think what you want about me. Have your opinions, as they are yours to have. But just know, that I will continue to Be who and what I Am. The more you read, the more you will know.

I am not looking for someone "out there" to understand me. I'm not looking for anyone to be a "fan". I just write because I enjoy it. It is nice to know that I have people who enjoy reading my rants and randomness. But, please know that "gaining readers" isn't why I blog. My blog is essentially my public diary.

[to Everyone]: Thank you for sharing my journey and being a part of Me as we are all one in the Same. I appreciate each one of you.

I invite you all to continue reading as I have been told to continue to write. I intend to write more often and more regularly. So, with that I say...

Stay tuned.

OMG! There's Two Of You!

LOL!
I must stay that this is quite unexpected, but it makes me a lil' excited. Thanks guys!

I must admit that I was wrong in assuming that the Anonymous Reader's comments were from the same person. Agreement #3 is "Don't Make Assumptions" ...Oops! It looks like I still have some work to do.

I've learned something.
Thank you.

Let me begin by asking, that since there are now two Anonymous Readers, if you each could give yourselves an alias. So, that if, in the future, you decide to comment more, you and I know which Anon I'm speaking to. I will leave it up to you to name yourselves, as I think it would be arrogant for me to take that liberty upon myself. You should be allowed your own creative freedom! ;)

In the meantime, if you don't mind, I will refer to you as Anon #1 & Anon #2 (in direct relation to your comment posting order on my last 2 blogs) to avoid any initial confusion.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

[@ Anonymous]:

What are you saying exactly? Do tell. I will publish all of your comments as I have each time you post. I'm not asking who you are, as it's obvious you wish to keep that under wraps, but let's converse.

You have piqued my interest with all of your comments.

Talk to me...

Space.

The final frontier...

I need to give it.

And so I give with reckless generosity.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

10:4, I Hear You Loud And Clear!

éxodos a marching out

Peace is coming.

PEACE IS COMING.

PEACE IS COMING!

And, so It is.

And, so I let it be.

Now. Unto forevermore.

Amen.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Laugh Of Buddha!

I Haz It!

This Is Just What You've Been Waiting For...

Congrats William!

Today I clicked on a link my very talented photographer friend posted on Myspace. Apparently, one of his photoshoots with ANTM's Eva Pigford was "leaked" to the "press"! [you have NO idea how excited I am about this right now! This is JUST the beginning, Will. It is just the beginning!]

The site MediaTakeOut has gotten a hold of the first photos from Will's 2nd major project. [I will double check with him before posting the title.] I personally don't know how they got out, but I DO know that it is for a divine reason why they surfaced. Mark my words, William, THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!

I was there (not physically in presence, mind you) when he shot the campaign. I remember listening to him talk about his idea & thinking to myself...he is a talented mutha fucka!

I love you, William! And I'm so very, very happy for you.

Just watch.

Everything you have been working so hard for is about to pay off.

Good for you!

Peace & Blessings, Friend.

me.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Let Love.

[The title has inspired a painting.]

I saw You today.
I saw how hard it was to stay mad at You for even a moment.
It was like yelling at a puppy.
I instantly felt bad... and silly.

I had to restrain.
To resist.
To control the urge to grab You and kiss You.
I even played off the gestured hug.

Instead, I just smiled inside... and adored You.

As I reflect on the Moment.
As I replay it in My mind.
I think about what the outcome would have been.
Had I not refrained.
Had I just let Love.

I hold back because of You.
I hold back only in Your presence.
I do it for You.
I understand.
That is my reason.

My Heart is overflowing.
Bursting.
My head is trying to keep it under control.
It's an arduous task.
One that shouldn't be necessary.
But is.

I Pray silently.
Please, don't break My heart.
I ask.
I wait.

I let Love.

Back To Life...

It's BACK! 
My computer is back to life!
She's like new again.

Yay!

I am complete.

ahh.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

A Death...

My computer died of an apparent bad hard drive yesterday. I lost everything...Ever-y-THING!

I took my computer to the Apple Store & they said they'll have to perform a hard drive transplant. It's gonna take a few days. Major surgery. They had to airlift my laptop to the best Apple hospital in the nation. So, I know my baby is in good hands.

Needless to say, I won't be blogging for a while (well, at least not until the Apple Store calls me and says my laptop is out of the ICU.)

Until then.

I will try and hold back my tears.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Di Plane! Di Plane!

So, I’m on my way to New York by way of Delta Airlines and it has been quite an olfactory ride to say the least. It all began with me I guess. I brought 2 bananas on board thinking I would be enjoying my “dinner” aboard this fine aircraft. But, then it dawned on me…banana peels stink after-the-fact. So, I decided not to indulge. I ate a less-stinky Snicker bar instead.

Despite my effort to keep some sort of neutral olfactory ground, someone else in the vicinity decided against it. He or she decided a beef and bean burrito from Del Taco was a grand idea prior to boarding. Needless to say the unpleasantries to follow were not very polite. I decided at that moment that breathing thru my mouth was in my best interest.

I continued to read Conversations With God and I couldn’t help but wish that God would’ve had a conversation with Mr. McToots before he pulled into the drive-thru. But, I guess not everyone is ready to engage in such grand dialogues.

Since I’m on an overnight flight I knew that I should get as much “sleep” as I could cuz I’m only in New York for 2 and a half days and sleep is really not an option. As I prepared to go nite-nite, my nostrils were overcome by the glorious scent of Ben Gay. (And we all know how delicious Ben Gay smells!) Man.

Seriously. I would love to have a one-on-one with these people in an attempt to understand their logic. Ben Gay? On a PLANE? Really? REALLY?! Good one, Champ! I would love to go to your house and see your Special Olympics trophy for “Smartest Athlete in a Timed Trial”.

I fall asleep listening to my meditative World Flutes on my iPod. Drifting off into aero-dreamland, I try my best to keep my neck as erect as possible and my face forward. Nothing is worse than goosenecking on a plane (think sleeping-baby-in-car-seat). Every now and again, I come to & catch myself with my mouth open. I close it and slip back into my in-flight coma.

Did I mention I’m in a middle seat? Yeah. Thanks, Andre!

What feels like hours later (which was probably more like 45 minutes), I peel my eyes open and wake up. I swear the flight attendants walk by sleeping passengers and put glue in their eyes as they get their “rest”. Never in any other situation do my eyes get more pasty and dry than on an airplane. I could smoke a pound of Mary Jane all by myself and my eyes would be “watery” in comparison to how they feel right now. Luckily for me, I carry a bottle of Visene everywhere I go. Salvation!

I take a swig of my $14 bottle of Aquafina from the airport “gift shop”, look around, “stretch” and go back to “sleep”. [yes, the quotation marks are quite purposeful. Have you ever traveled on an airplane? If so, you know what’s up.]

Next thing I know, the flight attendant is there with his cart full of “goodies” (a.k.a. ridiculously overpriced convenience store treats) and “snacks” (a.k.a. underwhelming free shit that the airline is obligated to offer as part of their “service” to you as a passenger – processed cheese crackers, toddler cookies and peanuts. Ooh, yaaay…!). The lady next to me bought a $3 bag of peanut M&Ms! THREE DOLLARS?! For fucking M&Ms?! It’s not like it was the one pound bag either. It was the equivalent of a regular bag and a half. Three fucking dollars. Some people just gotta have their M&Ms I guess. I collected my processed freebie snacks and headed back to dreamland.

When I woke up again, I was most certain we were in our final decent. Wrong again. I still had 2 hours to go…awesome. That’s when I decided to start this blog.

*sidebar* Did you know that your feet swell in-flight? Yeah, I didn’t either, until just now. I wiggled my toes inside my boots & noticed that my pinky to and my big to are having an affair. I’m afraid to take these suckers off. I just may have boot-shaped feet after deplaning.

It was about 2:47am (LA time) when I said Good Morning to the world. I looked out the window over the guy who what knocked-the-fuck-out next to me and saw the most beautiful horizon.

Photobucket

And then…ahhhh! Ben Gay again!

This is gonna be a fuuuuun trip!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Mem'riiiiiiiiies From The Corner Of My Miiiind...

Today I went thru old messages in my myspace inbox dating WAY back to October of '04.  I reread quite a few of them and realized how much I have grown in the last 4 years...and all the friends I've kept in touch with as well as those I lost touch with.  It's pretty amazing really.  Reading old messages from old friends and the conversations we had...it was very nostalgic. 

I also came across a few "first contact" messages from my now very good friends...hell, family at this point.  As I reread the messages, I couldn't help but smile a little (and sometimes a lot).  Looking back on where I was and WHO I was when I first received those messages.  Then, as I continued to read the O.G. messages, I thought about how well I now know the people who sent them.  Knowing their personalities, their izms (as CJ would put it), knowing WHO they are now, but not knowing who they were THEN.  It's almost like reading an old diary or going back to the future with the knowledge you have present day.  It was pretty awesome actually.

If I only knew then...

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

He's In!

We are finally one step closer to Obama's inauguration.  I know the man has a challenging road ahead of him, but I have no doubt in my mind that he will be able to make the Change he promises.  This is one hell of a man we've got who is ready to lead this country to great new heights.  He is the change we have longed for for ages.  He is nothing short of amazing.

I am not worried about Obama one bit. I know in my heart that he really is going to turn this country around. We definitely need it. I truly believe that this is going to be the most riveting presidency we will experience in our lifetime. I have so much faith in this man's abilities that I know he will be able to bring this country together, FINALLY. And there are a lot of others out there who wholly think the same. I'm not saying or implying that it will be an easy task by any means, but I do know that his second term is gonna be phenomenal!

To all you naysayers, doubtful thinkers, and/or worriers, I say...

Keep looking at the bright side. Eventually you will be able to see the source of the light!

That's the way I look at things!

OBAMA '08!

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Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Love.

I didn't realize until just now how much I truly believe in Love.

I went to see the Sex And The City movie with a couple of friends tonight.  And, as we all do after a movie, we talked about it.  But this time, I didn't really talk.  I just listened.  I listened to one friend talk about how depressed she felt and how he was this and she was that and on and on. (I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone who reads this blog.  Plus, it's not about the movie anyway, so the details are just that...details.)

After listening to my girl lament about how she felt about love and relationships.  I said, "Well.  I believe in love. So...hey" and smiled and shrugged my shoulders.  And that's right when it hit me.  
I believe in Love.  What a great, great feeling!  

It's a bit strange because I instantly felt separate from my friends.  I felt different. My opinions were unlike theirs.  I was in a much happier place and I couldn't complain about Love.  Even though I've had my heart broken a thousand times, the darn thing just keeps on beating.  And I am thankful for that.  I mean, honestly. How can I complain about something so amazing?

Now, don't get me wrong.  It's not that my friend was necessarily complaining about Love itself, but she was definitely focused on the smaller things--the reasons why Carrie and Big's relationship shouldn't have been...the reasons why Carrie should be mad and Big was selfish (again, details).  But, at the end of the day, no matter what, they were still in love & they had that.  Love overcame all the small things. [Without giving it away, I do understand why my girl was so mad at Big and she has every right to feel that way.  However, since I believe that Love conquers all, everything else is just details...bullshit.]

My belief in Love goes way beyond the love between a man and a woman (or man/man or woman/woman...to each their own).  It goes way beyond intimate relationships.  My belief in Love encompasses all Love.  The Love between lovers.  The Love between friends.  The Love between family members.  The Love between people.  The Love for self.  Love in general. 

All the things I have been taught about Love, especially in the last few months, have provided me with a much clearer understanding of not only the word, but also the feeling and the power behind it.  Love is abundant and we are all capable of giving It and receiving It.  And not for one moment will I ever discount It.  I will never take It for granted.  I will never speak badly of It.  How can I?  I know what it feels like to receive Love.  I know what it feels like to give Love.  I know what it feels like to be in Love.  I know what it feels like to make Love.  It's a good thing.  Hell, It's a GREAT thing!

After parting ways with my friends, when I got to my car, I took a moment to really digest what I was feeling.  Instantly, a sentiment of happiness came over me. A sentiment of Love.  I started my car and It's A Love Thing by The Whispers blasted from my speakers.  As I drove home, I sang along, bopped my head and danced behind the wheel.  And for the first time, I really, truly FELT the words...IT'S A LOVE THANG!  I played the song over and over until I got home.

It is truly a Love thang!
Yes.
Yes it is.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

You.

I don't get to see You as often as I'd like anymore.
At least not in the way I'd like.
If only You could see me the way I saw You.
If You could only see what I see.
If only You knew what I know.

You have been away for a while.
A long while.
I miss You.
I miss the time we spent.
I miss the moments we shared.
I miss touching You.
I miss hugging You.
I miss the kiss we had.

Now You live only in my dreams.
You are forever at a distance.
I close my eyes.
I hear Your voice.
I watch how You move.
I watch how You walk.
You have a bop in your step.
Like a little boy on his way to buy penny candy.

I hold on to the memories.
I cherish them every day.
I think about all the things You said to me.
I look at photos of You.
I look at photos of us.
I reminisce.
I smile.
I miss You.

Hopefully You will come back again.
Until then, I sit at the end of the dock.
My tiptoes in the water.
The breeze gently stroking my hair.
I watch the sun as it sets beyond the trees.
I sit and I wait for You.
I wait for You to row Your boat back toward the shore.
Waiting for You to come back and take me with You.

I'm SO Mad Right Now...

Seriously.

SERIOUSLY...!?

I had a weird dream last night that I missed my motorcycle class. It was so bizarre, because the REASON I missed the class (in my dream) was because of a time change...like daylight savings time...but instead of an hour forward or back, it was a 2 hour forward time change. So, in my dream when it was 3:30 on the clock (that I apparently forgot to set) it was ACTUALLY 5:30! And since my class started at 4, I missed it. The other thing that pissed me off in my dream was that the time change was meant for that day only and apparently I forgot or didn't even know about it. Yeah, that was my dream.

Wellllllllllllll. Guess what?!

I missed my class today.  And you wanna know by how much? 
1 minute.  

...yeah.

Now. I'm pissed.  Instead of having a computer on my lap, I should have a motorcycle between my legs right now.  But, no.  No, because I missed the exit and had to turn around.  In that time, I missed it.  I missed my fucking motorcycle class.  Now I have to go standby until I get in.

I KNOW there is a reason I missed the class today.  Hell, I'm not getting my bike til Meow get's back from China anyway.  So, honestly, it's not like it was a major fuck up.  But it still sux nonetheless.  I was really looking forward to it. 

So, as with all things in life, I take this one in stride. And, I'll try again another weekend.

dammit.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Left Feeling Unsatisfied...

Went rollerblading again today.  This time I went to Hermosa & didn't go alone. I was allllllll excited to go and groove on my skates again as I had the day before, but the elements were different this time.  I didn't think twice about it though. I was ready to have a good ass time.  I just knew that today would be just as awesome as yesterday...but this time, with a partner.

Yeah, well.  I was wrong.  It's not that my company was bad. Nor was it that the beach was bad.  It's just that it was short lived and I didn't get out of it what I wanted to.  It was like bad sex.  I was all set to go, just getting into the rhythm and...BAM! it was over.  Just as soon as it started, it was over.  It was like the quickie that only worked for the other person.  I was expecting a couple hours of bliss and apparently my partner wanted a quickie.

So, I skated joylessly back to the little wall where I sat earlier to put on my skates.  As I hung my head and pouted, I slowly removed my skates wishing I could have one more go.  I felt like my mom just told me to get out of the pool cuz we were going home.  I sat for another moment and sighed.  Disappointed and unsatisfied. 

But hey, it's not like I haven't felt that way before.  Sometimes you gotta take the good with the bad.  I realize now, that the only way to truly be satisfied, is to do it myself!  This truly applies to so many areas of life, it's crazy.  Look at the bright side, at least my partner got his.  At least someone was satisfied.  I guess it bes like that sometimes. 

Eh.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Rollerblading Part 2: Angel on Skates

I decided to let go and have fun today.  A much needed release.  I'm happy I started listening & finally let my guard down.

Today, for the first time, I allowed myself to see the light in everyone I passed along the bike path; everyone on the basketball court; everyone laying in the grass and sitting on benches. I saw the light in everyone everywhere. It was amazing. The best part...I immediately was able to recognize other conscious beings. We connected eyes, we exchanged smiles, we embraced peace and happiness...all happening within the moment it took me to pass them on my skates.
It was...it is amazing!

After upgrading to Rollerblade 5.0, I glided along the boardwalk listening to my iPod.

Then, John Coltrane came on.  Lush Life.  I almost changed the song cuz I wanted to boogie on my new blades, but something told me not to.  Just let it play.  So, I did. 

I became entranced by the melodic sounds of Coltrane's saxophone.  Gliding effortlessly with every note.  I began to daydream. I danced with my imagination and fell in love.  In my state of bliss, a man came up along side me on his beach cruiser & got my attention.  I unplugged my left earbud, smiled warmly and said, "Hi."   The man looks at me with joy in his eyes and says, "I just wanted to tell you that I've never seen someone so graceful on rollerblades before.  You're like an angel on the bike path.  A rollerblading angel."

I was floored.

I said, "thank you" with a most gracious and generous smile.  

For a moment, and only a moment, we glided alongside one another with a silent, yet engaging pause.

Even though I knew what I was listening to, looked down at my iPod and said, "Oh. I'm listening to John Coltrane." And smiled again.

He says sweetly, "It figures. You move so gracefully."

I say thank you one last time, again with an appreciative smile.

The man says, "No. Thank you, Angel." He smiles and rides off.

I plugged Coltrane back in my ear & smiled to myself as I embraced my experience.

I floated gracefully along the pavement. 

Listening. 
Enjoying. 
Being. 
Me.

Rollerblading Part 1: Getting My Bearings (and Wheels!)

About an hour into my skating, I took a cue from a friend (a mental cue anyway) and decided things would be so much better if I got new wheels and bearings. So, I skated up and down Venice looking for a skate shop. The first shop I found didn't carry any rollerblade anything. The second shop did, but the "service technician" (some chick) wasn't there & they only worked on skates on Mondays & Tuesdays...and since it was Wednesday, I was S.O.L.

The guy at the second shop told me about a skate shop on the boardwalk that serviced rollerblades. He tells me to go down to the 3rd parking lot and go toward The Walk and I will see the shop there.

"Uh, ok." I thought. So, I started skating down the alleys in search of parking lots.

One...

Wait. Was that a parking lot? ...Yeah.

Two...

Mmm. No, I don't think that was a real parking lot.
(skate. skate. skate.)

Two...

Ahh. Yeah, two.
I think.
(skate. skate. skate)

Three.

Or is this two?
Maybe the second one didn't count.
(skate. skate. skate.)

Three. Again.

So, I turned left and headed to The Walk. Another quick left...and there it was!

Boardwalk Skate Shop

Jonathan and Trevor did a bang up job on replacing my shit...
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Yay!

Here they are sitting outside...but you can only see Jonathan cuz some lady is blocking Trevor with her entire body...

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I skated out of there with the biggest smile on my face. 
As soon as I hit the pavement, I felt like I was at Disney On Ice.  The ride was so smoooooth! 
Ooooh weeee!

Skate on! Skate on!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Going Rollerblading...

Cuz it's the right thing to do!

I haven't been rollerblading at the beach since Yvonne left (almost 2 months ago now). I have to go today. I've been summoned.
(I'll have to post the pix from when she & I went. We had SO much fun! I miss that crazy SOB! *Yvonne, I'm glad you're having an amazing time in Guam! I need you to start blogging, ass!*)

I'm going to the beach today. I'm gonna skate till my legs fall off. I'm gonna be free today.

awesome!

Thank You, Keith Olbermann...

Just a quick thank you to Keith Olbermann for being the voice on national television...



THANK YOU

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

It's Been A Minute

I obviously haven't been blogging the way I used to.  May was a crazy month.  A lot of things happened & I had no time (or urge, really) to blog.  Apparently, however, I do have one "anonymous" reader who was missing my entries...according to a comment posted on an earlier entry.  So, it's time to go back to my civic duty & write more about what's in my head.  I definitely don't want to upset all my fans...or fan. LOL  You are appreciated, Anonymous Reader! Thank you :)

So, yeah. May has been nuts.  A lot of changes in my life.  Notably, I've had a major spiritual shift. I remember at the very beginning of the month, I was worried I'd be forced to stop my journey to take on a job.  [see While Waiting for the Paint to Dry...Enlightenment.] But, now that the job has ended and May is almost over, I realize that I couldn't have been more wrong in my initial thought.  I now realize that at that time, I was still living in fear.  Now, the tide is changing and fear is becoming nothing more to me than just a four letter word.  

The experiences I've had, each very real and very powerful, sometimes have me second guessing whether I'm going crazy or not.  The "societal" side [aka the humanness, as Rev. Beckwith would put it] has me thinking that way.  Although the societal voice is weakening, I can still hear it every so often.  Trying my damnedest to stomp it out at this very moment, however, I am coming realize that it will only slowly continue to fade until it's so quiet only dogs and dolphins can hear it.  And it is at that point that I will truly be conscious.  

I can say, without a doubt, that I am finally awake.   I've been brought out of my hibernation & can finally see it.  I am awake.  I am rubbing the sleep out of my eyes trying to put together the crazy dream I had in the moments before I came to.  The beauty of this stage of consciousness, is that it's momentary (that is unless you were smashed the night before & you're gonna be hung over for a while...luckily for me, I wasn't drinking).  With that, I say, "Good Morning."

Time to get out of bed & head for the bathroom to shit, shower and shave (my legs and my armpits, ass!).


I am ready to begin my Life.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

I Have The Sun.

I have the sun.
I have the stars.
I have the moon.
I have the galaxies.

I have all the elements.

I have air.
I have earth.
I have water.
I have fire.

I have everything I need.

I have happiness.
I have contentment.
I have love.
I have family.
I have friends.
I have me.

I have everything I need.

I have bones.
I have muscles.
I have blood.
I have kidneys.
I have a liver.
I have lungs.
I have a heart.

I have teeth.
I have a tongue.
I have a mouth.
I have lips.

I have nostrils.
I have a nose.
I have eyes.
I have a brain.

I have feet.
I have legs.
I have arms.
I have my head.
I have my body.

I have everything I need.

I have health.
I have life.
I have wealth.
I have me.

I have God.
I have Peace.
I have Happiness.
I have Wisdom.
I have Gratitude.
I have Appreciation.
I have Me.

I have a spirit.
I have energy.
I have light.
I have me.

I have the will.
I have the message.
I have the ability.
I have the desire.
I have me.

I have everything I need.

I have thoughts.
I have words.
I have feelings.
I have emotions.
I have a voice.

I have joy.
I have peace.
I have love.
I have me.

I have color.
I have paint.
I have music.
I have self-expression.
I have me.

I have everything I need.

I have a direction.
I have a path.
I have a guide.
I have my journey.
I have me.

I have the sun.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Happy Birthday!

At first, I was going to get you a special gift.  Something I felt like you would really appreciate.  Some thing that I thought would let you know how much I care and understand.  Then, I thought I would get you something that would carry less weight.  Some thing that would be more fun & more super awesome

But, now I've chosen to give you something more meaningful than some thing.  I'm giving a very precious gift. One that I hope you will carry with you for many years and truly cherish.  I'm giving you the gift of my friendship.  The one thing that I truly enjoy in life is being a good friend.  And thru my friendship rather than thru some thing, you will truly know how much I care and understand.

So, here's to you!  Happy Birthday & I'm glad to be able to call you "friend."

Monday, May 12, 2008

Happy Mother's Day!

In wishing my mother a very happy Mother's Day, I also give thanks to the sacrifices she made in her life that have allowed me to be where I am today.

A few weeks ago, i was sitting at home rolling my first joint (yes, I've never rolled a joint in all my years!) thinking about how awesome my life experience has been.  I thought about how much I was enjoying the fact that I COULD sit here in California, in my own place, with beautiful weather and realizing my dreams & goals.   I imagined that if my mom had ever left Minnesota and explored as I had, that maybe she would be sitting in her apartment somewhere rolling a joint and enjoying herself.  I saw her in me at that very moment.  I realized how much I am really like her.

Then it hit me.

Had she left, I may not even exist.  I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the moment that I had.  Had she not made the sacrifices she did...I wouldn't be where I am today.  And, for that, I am thankful and appreciative.

Thank you, Mom.

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I love you.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

F*ck What Yo Mama Say...I'm Voting the Obama WAY!!

I wish I would have found this earlier, but hey at least I have it now! ...thanks to my brother from another mother, Brad. 'Preciate it, son!



OBAMA '08! OBAMA '12! OBAMA FOREVER!! I'm with you bro!

(when he's in the White House, I want him to change the law that the President can stay in office as long as the people want him to!)

Monday, May 5, 2008

On Being An Alchemist...

Enlightenment is the most amazing experience one person can have. I am learning how to communicate. How to be specific in my wishes and how to be exact with my questions. With that, I begin to receive answers. Answers to so many different questions.

I have achieved a new, higher level of understanding unlike anything I have previously experienced. It's an amazing feeling when you know you are getting the answers to any questions you could ever propose.

On my journey, I am learning so much. And, now, so much faster than ever before. The flood gates have broken & the river is bursting out onto the earth and ready to carve its path to the ocean. In my case, the ocean is my Personal Legend. My ultimate dream. I'm open now to receiving my calling. What I am supposed to do while I'm here on this planet. My ears are open, my eyes are wide, I am ready to receive the message. I am listening.

I am listening.


[Read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho]

Friday, May 2, 2008

Truly Amazing!: LifeStraw

I came across this amazing, life changing product on another blog today. It's called LifeStraw.
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It's a point-of-use water filtration system. The Danish company,Vestergaard Frandsen, is behind the invention & is providing this life saving tool (among others) to thousands of people in Africa!

I'm so thankful that there are companies out there who are taking the steps toward saving the world with their emergency relief efforts! My hope is that more and more American companies will start to think outside their own capitalist interests and join the movement to save other humans from unnecessary suffering!

If you would like to donate a LifeStraw, click & submit your donation via their website.

Kudos to you, Vestergaard Frandsen! May you continue your success and your altruistic movement!

peace & light

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

While Waiting for the Paint to Dry...Enlightenment.

Today started out exactly as I had called it the night before.  I went on an "interview" (quoted because I am a freelancer...had I been anything else, I would have left them out) this morning for what I recalled as a something-to-do-with-what-I-already-know-how-to-do-because-I-forgot-the-title-that-was-associated-with-the-position gig. [keep up *wink* LOL]  I'm already very familiar with the company so there was no research necessary.  Plus, I have heard many a story about what it's like to work for them.  I decided to go anyway.  It was difficult to separate the notorious reputation of the company from my desire to maintain an open mind.  But, again, I did it anyway.

The conversation was great...as I had already expected (don't get me wrong, I'm not a pompous ass or anything of that nature).  I expected it because I asked the Universe for it.  I visualized it and totally received it.  I went home knowing I was getting a call later in the afternoon.  So, I went about my biz as usual.

It was about 11:30ish when I got back home.  I decided to work on my apartment some more.  Since it was hot as shit outside & the parking lot in the back was relatively empty, I decided to paint the last of the furniture.  I was tired as hell for lack of proper sleep last night. But, I mustered up the strength and the will to do it. [Yes, mustered. Not to be confused with mustard]

While the 1st piece was out cooking in the sun, I received a return call from a friend of mine who is a healer.  We spoke about some of the things I had been experiencing lately & what that meant for me.  It's comforting to know that I have someone there to talk about my journey.  Someone who has started on their path before I did and can related to the kind of experiences I have.  Someone who doesn't think I'm some kind of weirdo or metaphysical fanatic.  It's kind of like belonging to the X-Men.  You can talk about your super powers, and even though each mutant's super power is unique, they all can relate to each other.  

After some much need spiritual comforting & conversation, I continued my furniture painting extravaganza. [I love that word! extravaganza! It's like an announcer should say it every time it's used] In the middle of my earlier phone conversation, I received "the phone call".  I didn't answer because I already knew what they were going to say.  When I decided to check my voicemail, I recited the message aloud before I picked up the phone. Lo and behold! There it was. Verbatim.  I start tomorrow morning. awesome. 
Yet, for some reason, I wasn't excited.  You would think I would be, but I just was not excited.  It's not that I was dreading it, not by any means.  It felt more like ya gotta do, whatcha gotta do.  So, I shrugged it off and got back to work.

Then it hit me. I was completely taken aback.  All of a sudden, I felt all disjointed & disconnected.  I had this overwhelming feeling of oh, shit! what did I just do?! I felt uneasy and strange.   

I had to run to Home Depot to get some more supplies.  On the way, I called my mom.  Trying my best to explain the feeling, I started crying.  Couldn't help it.  I told her the best way to describe the sensation that I was feeling was like a wild animal being caught for the zoo.  She gave the best advice she knew to give, trying every scenario for why I had this feeling.  There were no other words I could conjure up to help her understand that that just wasn't it.  It was a feeling I had never encountered before.  It wasn't a nervous or anxious feeling or any other Psych 101 textbook feeling.  It was something completely different.  I graciously thanked my mom for trying.  Apparently, this was something I needed to figure out myself.

When I got home, I called my healer friend again.  I needed to hash this one out for real.  So, I chorded him.  We talked about it & he called it, right on the money! [of course he did]  He said I had the feeling because I was afraid I'd be taken off course.  Taken away from the journey I am so very much enjoying.  He gave me the words I needed to hear.  He told me that it's up to me to continue moving forward.  To not lose sight of the greater goal.  That this was not the end, nor was it a pause; but rather a part of the journey.  It's an opportunity.  It's exactly what I asked the Universe for.  And his advise was exactly what I needed to hear.  My spirit felt calm again.  I felt better.  Much better.

We wrapped up the conversation & I painted another coat.

Now that my house is back in order and my mind is clear, I can start my day tomorrow feeling good.  Complete and good. So, as the paint dries, I continue to be enlightened.  I am beginning to see with one eye & utilize the dual powers, gratitude & the ability to dream.  Thank you to all my spiritual advisors and to my amazing family.  I am blessed to have you all with me.

Thank you.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

I Feel Nothing.

It's really weird. Usually, given the circumstances, I would feel something. Sad, angry, happy, hurt, joy, relief...something. But, I don't. I don't even feel "indifferent".  I literally feel nothing.

I have to thank The Four Agreements.  Had I not finished that book today, I'm sure I'd be some sort of a wreck right now.

I am at peace. I am in a very different place than I've ever been before. I am intrigued...very intrigued. 

We'll see what I feel like tomorrow.

blessings.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Dead Tired and Feeling Accomplished!

Just ended a 4-hour non-stop sewing session. Finished stage one of my curtain panels (stages 2-4 involve lining, hemming and hanging). 34 strips of fabric, sewn together to form 2 curtain panels. I felt like I was in the American Flag factory in China, but with better working conditions. I at least had the liberty (no pun intended) to get up and pee every now and then & fix a snack.

I'm über exhausted & excited to shove my head into my pillow and look at the inside of my eyelids.

I can't wait to post the before and after pix of my place. (Mom, I know you are anxiously waiting! I'll try and finish this week. Just for you! ...and a little for me too!)

nite nite!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Medicine For Melancholy

I was reading the dork magazine. blog today & they talked about this indie film Medicine For Melancholy by Barry Jenkins.

Watch the trailer...



I really, REALLY want to see this movie. Especially since I can relate! (but that's a whole OTHER blog!)

Please support!

Positive Thoughts For Positive Results

We're all at a crossroads right now.  It's do or die.  It's three to five.  It's time to truly walk in faith and be positive, feel positive and believe.

We love you.  We would NEVER turn our backs on you.  I will never turn my back on you.  I believe you.  I believe IN you.  I know you will be a better man in the end.  Just know that we are here for you.  I am here for you no matter what.  You are a part of me. I am a part of you.  It's all love.

Wishing circumstances were different.  Unfortunately, this is what it took for you to finally listen.  I believe you're listening now.  I don't blame you for wanting a hug and good food.  I think you should get that.  The proper send off for your journey.  A full stomach and a satchel full of love.

I promise I will do all I can.  But, I can't promise others will change their minds.  I know their frustrations. I know mine. I now know yours.  I know how it feels for others to not let go of their view of you.  I know how it feels to have others try and keep you in the box they are used you to being in.  I know you are breaking out of that box.  You too are a magnificent butterfly transforming within an ugly cocoon.  You are decorating your cocoon from the inside out.  You can see better things, you can see the beauty.  But others only see the outer shell of your cocoon.  They take it for face value.  They look thru glasses of frustration, anger, sadness, and doubt, preventing them from thinking, knowing that this time is truly different.  You cried wolf too many times.  Now, when the wolf is breathing down your neck, they're no longer calling your bluff.  Well, no worries, bro.  When you walk in faith, wolves don't matter...nothing matters.  Nothing matters because you are walking with the untouchable, undying faith in God and in the Universe.  That's how I walk & I'm asking you to walk with me.  We'll do it together.

I'm sending you my energy.

I love you. 

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

80s Revival

I'm listening to my iTunes Radio Big R Radio 80s FM and one of my old favorites came on...

Jody Watley - Lookin' For a New Love



I love that I heard this song! I miss the 80s. It was a time when music still talked about real shit.

Get it girl!

Ask and You Will Receive

I'm still in the process of redecorating my place & today I went downtown to get fabric to make my curtains.  As I'm driving thru downtown on my way to the fabric district, I ask the Parking Gods for a simple favor - A broken parking meter.  Not just ANY broken parking meter, no.  I need a convenient broken parking meter.  One that is close to where all my shopping will be.
Maybe a little demanding, I don't know.  But, it's what I wanted. So, I asked for it.

 I continue driving.  Closing in on my destination,  I approach the light at 8th Street.  I look to my left & there's an open meter!  "Awesome!" I thought.  I flip a bitch right into the parking spot. Score!  But it's blinking red...which means it's expired & I'll have to put coins in. "Damn!" I said "Eh, but, it's cool cuz at least it's close."  In addition to the sole 2 dimes I had in my ashtray (perfect place for meter money - seeing as though I don't smoke) I had some dollar bills on me to make change for the meter.  So, I got out of my car, hit the alarm & walked up to the meter and...


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Broken!

What more can I say?

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Supporting Local Vendors = Deliciousness!

Driving down Washington Blvd. hungry as hell with In 'n Out on the brain, I passed by this couple grillin the hell outta some chicken...

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I HAAAAAD to turn around! Are you kidding?!? you know it's good when its from the people! I felt like I was at the farmers market, but without the rest of the market! LOL!

Javier was the pit-master...Really a super friendly guy! As nice as they come.

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The chicken smelled amazing & tasted even better! I got 1/2 a chicken, beans, macaroni & tortillas and a horchata for 7 bux! Are you kidding?!? Awesome. Way better than any In 'n Out I'da ever gotten!

This is Yasmin. She was equally as sweet as Javier. The horchata was on point!

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They're there every Saturday (Washington Bl @ Thurman Ave, just before the 10 overpass) and on Sundays Javier told me they're up on Alvarado by the 101). Go there! Meet them! Support local vendors!

yum!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

On Being Me...

So, I went out tonight.  To Geisha House [amazing food & deserts BTW] and to Red Rock.  Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures to share, as my camera is still en route to Geek Squad @ Best Buy on La Brea.   And, do I ever wish I had my camera tonight.  Actually, I wish I had a video camera.  [Will, I'm may follow your lead and head to Target!] 

I must say that tonight was a fuckin' ball.  At least for me.  Amazing food, drinks & good company! What more could you ask for?!? Oh, and I must add that the guys dancing @ Red Rock were total entertainment.  Genius!  I can't say that I wasn't amused.  Thanks, Universe, for blessing me with the opportunity, awareness & ability to enjoy life to it's fullest.  

Tonight was the first night out of my "element".  Around other people who may think a bit differently than me.especially after a smoke -- or two]  ** I think I may go get my Passport this weekend ** Uncle Gino, I may come for a visit this weekend!  Look for me!

I made at least one new friend, and touched another. ((no, no! not in a perverted way. But, in an en passe kind of way...which is very pleasing by the way.  Like reaching out to my brothers, but instead my brothas. Ya know??))

I had an awesome time! Thanks, Robyn, Vince & Dave!! Much love 2 u!

later.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Island Days

Reminiscing on old times, I think about how much I miss the "island" days. No, not as in the Caribbean or Hawaii or Fiji (nice thought tho!). But, as in the two of us sitting on my bed (a.k.a the island) all day long and shutting out the rest of the world. No phones, no computers, no shower, no getting dressed, no running errands, no nothing. Nothing but TV and movies and good times.

The most recent island day was not the same as it once was. Things are different now. Not only has the island moved, but apparently the feelings moved too -- washed away by a tide of ambition and selfish goals. Cast out into the sea of the world. I find myself clinging to the wreckage of the old forgotten ship that brought us to the island in the first place. All the while hoping I will come across the rest of the broken peices and someday rebuild it. Lofty goal, I know (especially when your first mate jumped ship a long time ago!); but the feeling still remains.

I wish I could go back to when things were a bit more simple. When the feelings were reciprocated. When it was more about enjoying the moment and enjoying the company; rather than it being about resistance and refrain.  

I long to go back to the good ol' island days when life was a bowl of cherries!

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Lost for Words

For some odd reason, I am having a very difficult time articulating my thoughts during conversation.  My vocabulary has gone straight down the toilet & I have no idea when it happened. 

WTF?!

The appropriate words come to mind as my thought develops, but, by the time the thought processes & works its way to my voice box...POOF! the words disappear!  Tooootal glitch in The Matrix. Then I'm left feeling like a total ass as I stumble around searching for the words that elude me. 

F*CK!

It's not that I'm a dummy or anything.  This never used to be a problem -- at least not until now.

What do I do?!

Dammit.

Dammit.

Dammit.

Biker Chick in Waiting

I want a motorcycle. A Honda 600CBR F4i to be exact. I've been on the back of Meow's bike on 3 separate occasions & I'm done riding bitch! I want my own shit!

I've had a ball being passenger, don't get me wrong. It's a good way to get acclimated to being totally exposed to the elements - especially speeding past Metro buses on the freeway @ 115 mph! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeoooommmmm!
F-U-N! [Go Metro, my ass!] But, it's time to graduate. Plus, it will be so much MORE fun when Meow & I can harmoniously weave in & out of traffic on the way to Hermosa Beach whenever she comes in town! Plus, bikes are a d*ck magnet! I mean really, what's hotter than a hot chick on a sportbike?!?

I've got the itch & it's time to scratch! I've been on Craigslist for the past 2 days looking at bikes for sale. [almost shit myself a couple of times when I came across a few fly ass bikes!] So, today, on my way back from Starbucks, I asked for the bike. I put it in the universe & I'm ready to receive. As soooooon as I get one, I will definitely post the photos!

watch what happens.

be excited!

I am.

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[on Meow's bike]

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Anxiety...

Not so much in a bad way or a good way...but, just in "a way". You know how you get that adrenaline rush & then antsy feeling when you can't wait to get outta work, or when you're excited about somewhere you're about to go, or when you think of someone "muy especial"? Well that's what I'm feeling right now. It sucks because I have no real reason for feeling this way. But, then again, I do. (yeah. exactly!)

I'm kind of going thru an emotional skid mark with someone in my life (choosing to be vague on purpose. hello?!). My feelings are teetering along a thin line. Part of me wants to jump in head first and wait to see what happens, hoping for the best. Another part of me wants to throw in the towel and run away frustrated, angry, and a little sad. And, yet another part of me wants to continue to walk the line until I can truly decide which way to go (or wait to see if something better comes along). There's really no pressure to make a decision right now, however, I'm stuck in this purgatory of anxiousness and indecision (and Starbucks doesn't help). So, for now, I continue to walk the line. It's probably for the best anyway.

dumb.

really, really dumb.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

LA vs WAR ...Part 2

The crowd wasn't as heavy Sunday night. The love was still felt all the same. But, tonight Hit+Run was doin' their screen print thang! Love those guys!! (Shout out to P7!)

:::::::: LA vs WAR - PART 2: Sunday Night ::::::::

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I think LA vs War ran out of the shirts they were selling, so I decided to have the shirt I was wearing screened as a momento from the show. Watch what happens...

Here's me talkin' to P about what screens I want for my shirt...
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Here, take my shirt...
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I wonder the exact thought P had at this moment...! LOL
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All photography by Malcolm...
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Peace, Love & Understanding on the front & LA vs WAR on the back
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After all is said & done... (and yes, I did take off my shirt in front the middle of that crowd! No Biggie!)
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(Nice arial shot Malc!)

F*ck Yeah!
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awesome!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

LA vs WAR ...Part 1

a.k.a Awesomeness!

Went to the LA vs WAR event on Saturday AND Sunday night with 3 awesome beings. Saturday, I went with Meow and Will met up with us. Sunday, with Malcolm. Both nights were dope in their own right. Eventhough the art didn't change, my experience for each night was compeletly different. Here are the photos from the event! ... Thanks, guys, for rollin out with me! Had a ball!!

:::::::: LA vs WAR - PART 1: Saturday Night ::::::::

Saturday night before the show @ the Meow & Yaas photoshoot...

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...LA vs WAR at the Firehouse Downtown LA...

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The art was amazing and very provoking & inspiring.

I heard this one sold for $50,000. Some guy told me on Sunday. Don't know how true it is, but IF it is, that's awesome! That's $50K to fund Peace! awesome.

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awesome!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Want a Dog? Go to a Garage Sale!

Perusing Craigslist for garage sales the other day, I came across this posting.

Dog for Sale Craigslist

Who does that?!?!? Sells their dog at a moving sale?! WTF?

C'mon, Sparky! Wanna go outside?! C'mon! Let's go for a walk! Wanna go for a ride? Huh? Huh? Do ya?! C'mon, jump in this guys car!

Little does the poor doggie know...

puppy face

Wow.
...

Imagine the conversation when the someone actually buys the dog...

Phil: Sooo, you want the Alan wrench set? That'll be $2 since a few are missing. The Joy of Cooking for $1...And the "Worlds Best Dad" coffee mug for 75 cents...You know what, how about fifty cents, it's chipped. The coffee table, that's 10 bucks...

Guy: And the dog. How much you sellin' that dog for?

Phil: Oh, Sparky? Eh...make an offer.

Guy: Hmm. How old is she?

Phil: Six

Guy: What kind of dog is she?

Phil: A medium sized one.

Guy: Ok. Hey, hon, how much you think we should offer for this 6 year old medium size dog?

Lady: I don't know sweetie. You're the one who's good at bargaining.

Phil: How about 50 bucks? She's got all her shots & she can do tricks. Watch. SPARKY! Come here girl! Sit! Good girl. Roll over! ... No. ROLL OVER! Good girl! Shake! Good girl.
See?

Guy: Hmm. Well, you DID have to tell her twice to roll over. She didn't really get it at first. How about 10 bucks?

Phil: How about 15?

Guy: DEAL! Does she come with toys? or are they sold separately?

Phil: I'll throw in a few toys. I've got a great doggie bed I sell to you for $5.

Guy: Great! I'll take it all. What's my total?

Phil: $33.50

Guy: Here's 30. 31, 32, 33. Hey, hon! Do you have 5o cents?

Lady: Yeah, I should. [Digging in the bottom of her purse for 2 minutes] Here you go sweetie.

Guy: Aaaand...50 cents. Thanks!

Phil: Thank you!
...

Either this guy/family is running from the Mafia or the FBI. Phil, you've had the dog for 6 years (I'm assuming, since you know exactly how old it is. People who get older dogs usually say "Oh, she's about 6 years old, but I'm not 100% sure because she was a rescue...")

Wow.

Friday, April 11, 2008

NEWS FLASH!: T-Shirts Protect Fat Kids @ The Pool

If you're fat and sick and tired of being made fun of at the pool, look what this kid did! Genius.


*Thanks Sneezl*

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Comin' @ Ya 1000 Beats Per Second! Bring Bacon.

Met up with a familiar face I haven't seen in aaaaaaaages (my bad man! I know I've had the time off too! LOL) over at Villa on Melrose (used to be Monroe's) last night.
**like how i have 2 conversations in 1 sentence?! LOL!**

I got to finally wear my vintage leather coat I bought when my mom was here. Yay! Ooooh I was so fly. Hell, I felt fly!

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And I had a milkshake earlier that evening! *see Chocolate Shake & A Cupcake* Life couldn't have been better. I was is such an awesome mood, too! I was happy for happiness sake! It was a great feeling. Best I've felt in years. Kinda liberating actually.

Crazy thing is (here comes a back story...) I was SO tired yesterday, almost exhausted really. I agreed to a have dinner with some girlfriends I used to work with & listened to them lament about the continuing saga. It was like listening to a soap opera on TV from the kitchen. You're not watching it anymore, but you can see exactly what is going on. You know the characters so well that it takes very little imagination to put it all together. The more I listened, the more I realized how truly happy I was to be out of that energy dynamic. No more unnecessary tension and drama sucking the life out of me on a daily basis. I instantly felt free! Like the bird who fled the cage. It was momentous. I couldn't believe the sense of relief I felt at that moment. (AND the pizza was amazing!) I was instantly in an awesome mood! Felt like magic LOL!

Then you add the milkshake/cupcake combo (I actually am about to eat that cupcake now...I didn't get to it yesterday!), my mood shot thru the roof. F*ck cloud 9. I was on cloud 215! Went home, entertained Mary Jane, listened to some 80s funk (thanks 2 Devon's Myspace page & YouTube links) & text an old friend. Exhausted and exhilarated at the same time, I decided to go out. F*ck it! Go with the flow. The energy was right. (plus, it's right around the corner from my house, didn't have to go far)

Villa it is!

Upon my arrival, I'm greeted by a slew of paparazzi. They must've forgotten that I was famous, so there were no flashbulbs. It's all good. It was my night off. You know, being famous isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sometimes it's fun to be a regular person.

LOL!

I digress.

As I'm walking behind 3 too-skinny hollywood celebwhore chicks (one in booty shorts...mind you it was pretty f*ckin brr outside for LA at this time of year. You saw what I had on!), I think to myself. Damn, do I want to deal with this kind of crowd tonight? Hollywood shit? Eh.

I stopped.
Sent a text.
Thought about it.
Said,
"Fuck it. I'm already here. Why not?"

Walked right in the door.

Surprise. Surprise. What did I see? Hollywooooooood! LOL (no, not the celebs, just the celebutants. Rich white folks (and I'm sure there were a bunch of posers, too) and a sprinkling of others. Awesome people watching! It's hilarious how out of control some of the drunken dolls get. Yes, dolls. Plastic ones. One girl fell flat on her face in the middle of the dance floor. She even laid there for a minute. Com-e-dy!

As I passed judgment (not in a bad way, just in my way) on all who were in my direct line of sight, I played catch up with Malcolm. It was good to see him after all this time. Reconnecting with friends is awesome!
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Funny side note...This chick (can't remember her name, but then again I wasn't focused when we were introduced) volunteered to sit on my jacket (so I wouldn't have to hold it while I was sideline boogie-ing) and she was soooo tossed! I was thoroughly entertained and quite amused by her. She kept telling me that the more I showed my teeth, the longer she will warm my coat with her ass. (yes, that is EXACTLY what she said!) I couldn't help but laugh. Liquor makes people so entertainting! Mind you, I was babysitting a glass of pinot grigo, so I was as far from drunk as a Mormon on Sunday. But! I was in an altered state of mind...after all, this is California!

Here she is warming my coat with her ass. (Sorry, guys, no ass shots!)
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She was a nice person. I can't say anything bad...other than I think she was trying to get me involved in some sort of menage trois. Not interested. But, thanks...?! (I guess)

Apparently it was also karaoke night. There were a few WTF's and Umm...Yeah's. There were, however 3 people that got up there and actually did their thang thang. I have video... (I'll post it later)

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Look @ the guy in the lower right! HIL-ARIOUS! I can only imagine what he's thinking! No, dude. They're all not going home with you for a fantasy romp in your 1 room studio! Sorry.

Good times.
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Thanks for the invite Malc!
 
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