Tuesday, April 29, 2008

While Waiting for the Paint to Dry...Enlightenment.

Today started out exactly as I had called it the night before.  I went on an "interview" (quoted because I am a freelancer...had I been anything else, I would have left them out) this morning for what I recalled as a something-to-do-with-what-I-already-know-how-to-do-because-I-forgot-the-title-that-was-associated-with-the-position gig. [keep up *wink* LOL]  I'm already very familiar with the company so there was no research necessary.  Plus, I have heard many a story about what it's like to work for them.  I decided to go anyway.  It was difficult to separate the notorious reputation of the company from my desire to maintain an open mind.  But, again, I did it anyway.

The conversation was great...as I had already expected (don't get me wrong, I'm not a pompous ass or anything of that nature).  I expected it because I asked the Universe for it.  I visualized it and totally received it.  I went home knowing I was getting a call later in the afternoon.  So, I went about my biz as usual.

It was about 11:30ish when I got back home.  I decided to work on my apartment some more.  Since it was hot as shit outside & the parking lot in the back was relatively empty, I decided to paint the last of the furniture.  I was tired as hell for lack of proper sleep last night. But, I mustered up the strength and the will to do it. [Yes, mustered. Not to be confused with mustard]

While the 1st piece was out cooking in the sun, I received a return call from a friend of mine who is a healer.  We spoke about some of the things I had been experiencing lately & what that meant for me.  It's comforting to know that I have someone there to talk about my journey.  Someone who has started on their path before I did and can related to the kind of experiences I have.  Someone who doesn't think I'm some kind of weirdo or metaphysical fanatic.  It's kind of like belonging to the X-Men.  You can talk about your super powers, and even though each mutant's super power is unique, they all can relate to each other.  

After some much need spiritual comforting & conversation, I continued my furniture painting extravaganza. [I love that word! extravaganza! It's like an announcer should say it every time it's used] In the middle of my earlier phone conversation, I received "the phone call".  I didn't answer because I already knew what they were going to say.  When I decided to check my voicemail, I recited the message aloud before I picked up the phone. Lo and behold! There it was. Verbatim.  I start tomorrow morning. awesome. 
Yet, for some reason, I wasn't excited.  You would think I would be, but I just was not excited.  It's not that I was dreading it, not by any means.  It felt more like ya gotta do, whatcha gotta do.  So, I shrugged it off and got back to work.

Then it hit me. I was completely taken aback.  All of a sudden, I felt all disjointed & disconnected.  I had this overwhelming feeling of oh, shit! what did I just do?! I felt uneasy and strange.   

I had to run to Home Depot to get some more supplies.  On the way, I called my mom.  Trying my best to explain the feeling, I started crying.  Couldn't help it.  I told her the best way to describe the sensation that I was feeling was like a wild animal being caught for the zoo.  She gave the best advice she knew to give, trying every scenario for why I had this feeling.  There were no other words I could conjure up to help her understand that that just wasn't it.  It was a feeling I had never encountered before.  It wasn't a nervous or anxious feeling or any other Psych 101 textbook feeling.  It was something completely different.  I graciously thanked my mom for trying.  Apparently, this was something I needed to figure out myself.

When I got home, I called my healer friend again.  I needed to hash this one out for real.  So, I chorded him.  We talked about it & he called it, right on the money! [of course he did]  He said I had the feeling because I was afraid I'd be taken off course.  Taken away from the journey I am so very much enjoying.  He gave me the words I needed to hear.  He told me that it's up to me to continue moving forward.  To not lose sight of the greater goal.  That this was not the end, nor was it a pause; but rather a part of the journey.  It's an opportunity.  It's exactly what I asked the Universe for.  And his advise was exactly what I needed to hear.  My spirit felt calm again.  I felt better.  Much better.

We wrapped up the conversation & I painted another coat.

Now that my house is back in order and my mind is clear, I can start my day tomorrow feeling good.  Complete and good. So, as the paint dries, I continue to be enlightened.  I am beginning to see with one eye & utilize the dual powers, gratitude & the ability to dream.  Thank you to all my spiritual advisors and to my amazing family.  I am blessed to have you all with me.

Thank you.

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