Friday, December 25, 2009

It's Not That I Don't Love You...

It's just that we are on completely different vibrations.


Monday, December 14, 2009

It's Like That...

"We long for Love, success, abundance and all that is good to come into our Life. Yet, many of us feel we are not worthy of such good fortune. It is a great moment when we finally realize we are worthy of all the goodness, all the greatness and all the Love that Life has to offer. For it is that moment we realize our true nature, our true identity and from that moment forward our lives change. When we know we are worthy of our Heart's desire, it shows up effortlessly."

- Mastin Kipp

[The Daily Love]

I couldn't have said it better mySelf...


Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I'm officially a real life gypsy.

I have since left my friends lovely home in the quiet Paris suburb of Cachan, to...of all things...end up...

Couch Surfing.

Let me just say...



I've been forced [knowingly and consciously] to trust in the Universe and allow my life to literally develop right before my eyes.

I began this authentic gypsy lifestyle last week, Thursday night. After working my first night at one of the coolest bars in Paris, not knowing where I was going to sleep the following evening, I was sent an angel...with an available couch.


So here's basically how it went...

I returned to Cachan after I got off work...uh, at 6am...and crashed for my last night [which was, by that time, really Thursday morning]. After "sleeping" for the "night" [...I hardly consider 3.5hrs of sleep, waking up at 10am after an all night shift, a "good nights sleep" LOL], I finished packing my suitcases, at a nice lunch and Nespresso-ed a purple capsule [anyone who knows about Nespresso, the purple cap has a "strength" level of 9...GOOD MORNING!].

Upon my what-is-my-new-life-adventure-going-to-be-like reflection, and chat with, Fetta, my friend's nanny, as I awaited official confirmation of my couch, I made a call to Shine & had one last chit chat before my adventure began. [I had no idea when I was going to have access to another "fixed" line, cuz my cell is prepaid...and an hour+ of .55c/min chitting is not in this gypsy's current budget! ...and we're talking Euros folks...]

The few days prior to leaving my friend's place, I had been pretty scared of what the unknown would bring. It truly took effort for me to continually shift my thinking and feeling toward what I wanted to experience...rather than seeing myself sitting in some random phone booth with all my shit in the rainy Paris winter...which could have been very real...if I chose that thought.

For [especially] those few days before, I really shifted my beliefs of what "was" and what could be. I literally had to give up trying to "figure it all out", and allow what I believed the Universe to And, trust It.

So, I trusted.

Around 3:45 [aka 15h45 cuz I'm in France] Thursday afternoon, I got my confirmation on the couch.

It's ON and poppin!

The Universe has delivered.

After the "ok" on the couch, not only did I manifest a RIDE to my next opposed to lugging all my shit on the Metro...I was also able to see my friend's all together before I left their house and eat a delicious din din.

I was happy.

I spent the next 2 nights on a couch in Vanves, another Parisian suburb...pretty much a lateral move from Cachan. Great place, great couch, great new friend.

Time for more purposeful creating..."I want to be IN Paris."

I've been in the suburbs since I've been here, only visiting Paris during the days and for an occasional night out. It was time for me to really do the Paris thing.

Knowing I had until Sunday night on the Vanves couch, Saturday morning, I sent 2 couch surfing requests on, and set off into Paris to do godknowswhat. While on the metro, after downing a sandwich from the boulangerie, I decided to go to sit on the steps of Sacre Coeur and look over the city.

When I arrived in 18th, it was the usually 38 million tourists crawling the streets like vermin. I busted thru the crowds, iPod blaring Jimi Hendrix in my ears, and headed toward the church that doesn't recognize shorts as appropriate. [read about that here.]
After being harassed by street vendors, I finally managed my way to the top of the steps. I found a nice corner and lit my black clove. I watched the crows, the tourists, the sky and the city. Jimi really makes for a great life soundtrack, let me tell you. I looked out into the wild gray yonder and envisioned living IN Paris. Twenty minutes or so had passed when I got a text saying "Are U still searching un coach for tonight? Flo (from CS)"

Oui. [!!]

and, again....

It's ON and poppin!

The Universe has delivered.

more to come from this developing story...


Sunday, November 29, 2009

Mustard Seed.

You never really know how you affect others by just Being your Self.

I've been fortunate to hear how much my Being has impacted others in a positive way.

It's quite a blessing I must say.


thank you!

[be the change...]

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Today's Horoscope...

Someone is spying on my life and sending me messages online...

My horoscope for today:

Sunday, Nov 22nd, 2009 --
You may be uneasy with all that's happening now, yet this is an opportunity for you to move past your own fears. You often prefer to hold on to what you already have because familiarity breeds security. But this isn't about being safe; it's about taking a risk to align your life with your true intentions. You could be pleasantly surprised today if you have the courage to stretch beyond your regular limits.

Honestly, I'm quite happy for the angels who are stalking me. Their messages are right on!

Sunday, November 15, 2009


From Love,
I created you.
I imagined you.
I wrote a list of all the things that I wanted you to be.
I dreamt of you.

You appeared.

I was surprised, to say the least.
Because you are perfect.
You are beautiful inside and out.
From head to toe.

Your eyes shine like jewels in the sun.
Your heart is as expansive as the Universe.
Your soul glows a golden light.
Your voice resonates peace and tranquility.

You are kind and gentile.
You are generous and selfless.
You are loving and affectionate.
You are compassionate and considerate.

Our souls met eons ago.
We have traveled many lifetimes together.
We have created together.
I know who you are.

You are a god.
You are a creator.
You are Love manifested.

My heart felt joy and shone brighter than the sun.
All I wanted to do was love you,
To stroke your hair,
Caress your skin,
And tell you everything will be alright.


From fear,
I created, too.
I was afraid of being hurt,
As I had been many times before.

I invented excuses,
And reasons why.
I tried to find flaws, real ones.
But I couldn't.
I know your circumstances aren't perfect,
So my fear used that as leverage.

My heart wanted to move beyond it,
Because I know your burdens will end soon.
But your fears came in and joined mine,
And they created together.

We separated from each other.
We needed "space".
I cried.
My heart was broken.
I felt the pain that I expected,
That I feared would come about.

I got mad at you.
I blamed you for being caught up in the outside world.
I tried to point the finger, but
I created this, too.


I see, clearly,
Our abilities as god and goddess.
We can create our lives as we see it,
As we want.
Or we can create our lives otherwise.

From this moment,
I have decided to re-create.
I have chosen to return to my original intention,

I see you, again.
Your smile.
Your Light.
Your heart.
Your soul.

Love conquers all.
Love has conquered my fear.
My hope is that it has conquered yours too.



Monday, November 9, 2009

Listen To This.

After my last post, I came across these...


Holed Up.

I've been keeping myself holed up in the house for the past week or so trying to shift my thoughts. I mean, I have left the house on a couple occasions, but not for too long.

My intent is to discover, thru meditation, writing, etc., what my next move is here in Paris. There are a few things that I need to make manifest rather quickly & I'm really working on maintaining my focus. However, there has been one major distraction that has presented itself recently. [Unfortunately for you, I'm not at liberty to discuss it right now...but be patient, you'll find out soon enough] Let me say, for the record, that this particular distraction is not something that I need to be focusing on so tough at this moment. I really must, in fact, concentrate my energies and efforts on my immediate situation...finding a new residence December 1st (or, instead, go to Ghana for a couple months), making some real income, and getting my paperwork straight! The illusion of time is ticking on by...

For the last few days, I've been doing a lot of spiritual "homework". Reading, listening, writing, reworking, clearing old energy, changing my thoughts and changing my feelings. I can't say that it's been easy, necessarily, but I can say that it has been somewhat effective. [I say "somewhat" because I feel like I could be doing something more...but I'm not quite sure what that something is! ARGH!]

What I do know for sure, is that I must have more belief in my Self and more faith in the Universe. This has been, by far, the most challenging for me, to be honest with you. The funny thing is...this is what I want THE MOST! I mean, I know I have a lot of talents and abilities, however, I'm not quite sure how I can apply them in my current situation. At times, I feel like I've got a handful of square pegs looking at a board full of round holes! [...hell, maybe this is more of my optimistic pessimism at work!]

In any case, I can't help but still feel a bit I'm trudging thru a channel of knee-deep muck. Part of me knows, on the other hand, that if I just step to my left or right, there's a muck-free zone that will allow everything to come together easily and flow. So why, might we all be wondering, don't I just step to the right or left? My answer is...because I still have blinders on! I can't see what's alongside me, so the left-brained part of me can't "figure it out", so all I know is muck. Additionally, I'm not trusting and having faith my knowing, which would, even with blinders on, force me, lovingly of course, to just step to one side.

Ego keeps me in the muck!

[fuckin' ego!]

I'm workin' on it.
I'm workin' on it.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


My horoscope yesterday suggested that I step outside of my comfort zone.
With the knowing that I have, it makes perfect sense to me. You have to change in order to effect change in your life. Think the things you always thought, get the things you always got.

I get that.

As I would love to step outside of this zone, the truth is, I don't really know how. I think this is mainly because I don't even recognize my comfort zone[!]. Strange, no? I mean, I feel like I must be in some kind of place of complacency, because I find myself stuck in a certain pattern of behavior. However, I'm having trouble finding the emergency exit.

Remember the ball cage at Chuck E. Cheese? You know, the big "pool" of multicolored plastic balls that you jump in that brought you complete and total ecstasy as a kid? I imagine myself in the center of said ball cage...with the exception that it's the size of 10 football fields.

I mean, it's fun for a while, but when you're tired, hungry, and you just want to go home, it can get scary. Lost in a rainbow abyss of synthetic orbs, you cry for someone to come to your rescue...but there's no one there but you. Then you think to yourself, or in some cases out loud, or both, "Oh Fuck![!] What do I do now?!"

Some of us just start heading in one direction, any direction, determined to find our escape. Others swim around and around directionless hoping we'll stumble across the exit eventually. Some pray that God will part the balls right down the middle and lead us into salvation. While another number of us just freeze up, paralyzed and unable to move from the spot where we stand, crippled by fear of whatever [this may or may not be accompanied with hysterical crying, it really depends on the person].

Then there are those who really get it. The ones who know. These are the people who sit still, calm their minds, and listen. They allow their inner guidance to lead them in the right direction. Moment by moment, they follow their intuition and make the decisions that bring them safely to the right door leading them out of the unnerving and into a newer, calmer experience.

Well, let me tell you that, at some point in my life, I've been all of the former "people" and am working my way toward being the latter. I will admit, publicly, that I could, in fact, be more diligent about becoming one who really gets it. Many times, I find myself reverting back to the first group...mainly the frozen, hysterical crying person [ack!]. However, I find that this is just part of the journey. My ego wants to be there already, it always wants to be there already...but my spirit knows that it's all about the journey; this is where we learn how to appreciate the magic of life and of our experiences.

With that said, I have decided to work more fervently toward achieving the state of knowing and following my intuition. Even though it may be hard to hear at times, especially when the shit is about to hit the fan [or has already hit the fan & is spewing shit all over the place], ALL the answers are within. We never need to look outside ourselves for any answer to any question. We just need to be quiet enough, patient enough and allow ourselves to LISTEN.

...and the answer will be there. As plain as day.

You just have to listen.

Monday, October 26, 2009

An Optimistic Pessimist...?

Go figure.

Just when you think your making some forward progress, life bops you on the head and says, "Hey, mutha fucker you're going the wrong way!"


Well, I welcome those bops on the head. Sometimes they hurt [your ego], but they're well worth it in the end.

I've been an advocate for positive thinking for some time now. However, for some reason, I keep finding myself frustrated over this situation or that. Asking myself...and the Universe...WHY[!] is this happening [or NOT happening] to me?

Then....I check my email.

[I'm convinced DailyOM is spying on my life.]


Half-Full Consciousness
Starting from Empty

We are all familiar with the metaphorical story of two people looking at the same glass and one perceiving it as half-full while the other sees it as half-empty. As much as we’ve heard this, it’s still a valuable exercise to really observe our minds and notice whether we are engaged in half-full or half-empty thinking. People will refer to themselves as being of one type or the other as if it was a permanent characteristic, but we are all capable of shifting into a half-full consciousness if we simply make the effort.

When we look at our lives with half-empty consciousness, we perceive a lack and think that the other half of what we want is missing. We are coming from a position of expectation and entitlement. On the other hand, when we look at our lives as half-full we perceive fullness. It is as if we recognize that our cup could be fully empty and so we are grateful for what we see as bounty—not something we expect or believe we are owed, but a gift. In half-full consciousness, we count our blessings. When we look at our lives we see all the elements that are in place and all the things we do have. This doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t seek more, but we seek from a place of fullness instead of from a place of lack. This fullness draws positive energy into our lives and often attracts more abundance.

If you would like to begin to make the shift into half-full consciousness, try imagining your life as an empty glass. This is your life without all the people you know, the work you do, your home, or your current state of physical well-being. This is just an empty, open space waiting to be filled. Once you have that feeling of openness in your mind, begin filling it with all the people, things, and places that make up your life. You may be surprised to find your glass overflowing.

Conclusion: I've been an optimistic pessimist.

Today, I fill my cup.

...and, yes, it overflows.

good morning.


Friday, October 23, 2009

What Can I Say?

It's pretty fantastic how all this life stuff has been working out for me over the last few weeks. October has proven itself to be a pretty fuckin fantastic month! If things continue this way, November is sure to be a winner.

Kinda funny how happiness brings such amazing things into one's life. And the best part is, the more you're happy, the more happy things happen, then you become even more happy.

A vicious cycle...I know.

Let's just say that my life is finally working out...for real this time. It's going in a direction in which I am truly excited to see what comes next.

Petit à petit l'oiseau fait son nid.

[for those who don't speak French....Little by little the bird makes its nest]


Friday, October 16, 2009

A Perfect Friday Night...

A perfect Friday night would be...

Me and you.
Watching the rest of the movie in bed on your MacBook.
[gotta love it]

It's raining.
The window's open just a bit to allow the smoke to clear the room.
The shutters are closed just enough so the neighbor's can't see.

We lay on opposite sides of the screen...
each tucked under the down blanket.
and watch together.

I stroke your hair...
and kiss your forehead.

You whisper when you talk during the movie.
Just like in the theater.
[I think it's so cute]

After the movie ends.
You put your MacBook on the chair next to the bed.
I move over to the warm spot.

You put your arm around me.
I ask for un petit bisou

And then...

We wait.

[this is an inside joke]


Sunday, October 11, 2009

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


This is fuckin' HILARIOUS!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Ready....Set.....WAIT...!! [??]

My life has taken an interesting twist since Saturday night. I'm still putting it all together, not quite sure what it all means. Furthermore, I'm not quite sure I'm interpreting all the signs correctly either. But, the more I reflect on things, the more interesting the story is becoming.

It may still be a bit too early to say, but I write what I feel...especially in the journal I carry with me. This afternoon, on my way to the wifi cafe, I wrote in my journal the following:

I'm ready to leave Paris.
For how long, I don't know.
If a short period or forever, doesn't bother me.
I'm ready to continue my journey. Let's see what happens next.
I say this with a light spirit. I am happy and content as I write.
I'm feeling the urge to move again.
The gypsy is antsy.

Ok, so what. I want to see what else is "out there" for me. This is not unnatural for me. The part I find interesting is what my horoscope says today:

Monday, Oct 5th, 2009 -- Your priorities shift today as the Moon enters your 11th House of Groups. Even if you have been trying to get ahead of the pack, now you are ready to take a more anonymous role. Make yourself comfortable by letting go of concerns that are tied to yesterday's hectic pace. Consider what others want before making any important decisions about your future.

Ok, so what...horoscopes are just for fun, right? They don't mean much...right? Well, not necessarily....and especially after what I experienced this weekend. I'm not the one to live my life by my horoscope, but the last sentence hit me. When something resonates with my inner Being, I listen.

I have recently entered my initiation period...with Spirit. When she speaks, I listen. I can't say that I fully understand everything she's telling me...this is where my work, my practice comes in. Learning to see the signs, know her voice, and listen.

Saturday's full moon was just the beginning.

Sunday, even though completely exhausted, I did a lot of reflection on the happenings of the previous eve. Putting together in my mind, all that was said, all that was felt, all that was experienced. There was one link that I could not interpret until today...a particular song that played Saturday night...a song so [seemingly] random in the mix, that at the moment I knew it was a message especially for me.

"WTF?" I thought.

I looked up the lyrics today, and.....yeah.

theGoldenChild is nervous.

stay tuned.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Come On Baby, Light My Fire!

I've been in Paris for about 2 and a half months now, and I must say it's been quite a journey. I've learned a LOT about myself and what my life is all about...and not all about. Let me tell you, Self discovery is one of the most difficult, yet most rewarding things in life....aside from motherhood, I'd imagine....but I'm not there yet.

It's funny, because prior to writing this particular blog, I'd written a list of things I'd like to chat about. Even on the metro on the way to the cafe, I was formulating ideas... Well, here I am, in front of my Mac without a clue as to what to say. I realized my list is tucked away in the journal I decided not to bring...and my new ideas vanished as soon as I opened a new Firefox window. *expletive*

With that, I guess I'll just be honest...and write what comes to my mind. It's the best way to do things like this anyway, right?

Here goes...

Lately, I've been reading a lot of articles (emails, blog posts, etc.) about inspiration. Something I've been yearning for for a while. I've found myself dwelling in boredom more often than not. The honeymoon period with Paris is over...our love affair has become, well, bland and no longer interesting...

[I assure you, Paris, it's me, not you....okay, maybe it's you too, a little...but, really, it's me, mostly.]

I digress.

For the longest, I have been looking to other things or people for my inspiration...this art, that music, this designer, that city, this blah blah blah...and it's fleeting at best. I liken it to striking a match that sparks a small flame, but burns out quickly. Apparently, I've been going about this inspiration thing all wrong. What I'm learning to understand is that inspiration comes from within...[great. more digging.]...and it's with you all the time.

Think of it like this...

Your heart is a box of full an endless number matches [desires]. The kindling you collect, as a result of your inner work, is the initial action you take toward manifesting those desires. Inspired thoughts and feelings are the logs, the fuel, to create a lasting, more permanent fire. The constant nurturing and maintenance of this flame is your continued action toward realizing your ambitions. And, of course, the resulting fire is your passion for whatever it is that you want from/in this life. [...and I believe that a one can have many different, separate fires burning within.]

Through meditation, daydreaming, or whatever, you may find yourself striking one of those matches....but it's up to you to turn that match onto the kindling and create the base for a fire. It's imperative to continually fan and feed the flames, add more wood, paper, charcoal, gasoline cans, whatever you need to keep that fire going.

Have you ever tried to light a log aflame with only a single match? What about a brick of charcoal (without the lighter fluid)?

What was the result?

You probably weren't all that successful.
I know I wasn't.

Now, back to my life [cuz it is all about me after all!]....

Some people were lucky enough to know, or remember, exactly what they came here to do early on in life. They came to earth with a complete fire kit: matches, kindling, wood, and all. Some knew since they were knee-high to a mud duck that they wanted to be a dancer, a singer, a painter, a this, a that. And, they've had a burning passion for it ever since. Even in times where their dreams and desires may have been oppressed by thoughts, beliefs, or others opinions, the knowing was still there...tucked away somewhere deep inside.

Well, not in my case. This is where my frustration comes from. Not knowing, or remembering, my passion. What is it that I'm supposed to do? What desire is "tucked away somewhere deep inside" my Being? What is it that I could do for countless hours? for days on end? for the rest of my natural life?

I don't know.

...and that fucking sucks, let me tell you.

I've been striking match after match after match, expecting an emblazoned log. "Where the fuck is the got-damned fire?!" I'd scream in my head with frustration. Match. Match. Match. FUCKING MAAAAATCH!!


So, here I am. On the other side of the world. Trying to figure this shit out. It took me about a month or so to awaken to the fact that many of the matches I'd been lighting weren't even my own! I realized that I was piggy-backing on what others thought would be good for me [...their intentions were only the best, might I add]. Nevertheless, I took those borrowed matches and ran...literally. I allowed myself to create a magnificent world based on what others thought could work for me. The sad part is, I didn't, deep down, necessarily believe it. Essentially, I'd built a fake fire...not unlike one you would find in a gas fireplace...just turn it on...and PRESTO!
Thus, nothing ever materialized.

For a moment, I thought that was it. Finito! game over. I couldn't see past the "dream" I'd so meticulously, and creatively, fashioned. *fuck*

So, where does that leave me?

In Paris.
Not knowing what the fuck I'm gonna do next and holding someone's empty box of matches.
...and winter is approaching.

To an average person, my situation may look dismal. It may seem as though I made a big "mistake" and should've stayed my ass at home, in the States, where I could've at least gotten a "job" and had a "life".

Well, let me just say...I'm NOT an average person. Quite far from it, in fact. I leave averages betwixt a set of predefined numbers.

I cannot be defined.

So, now...I ask again...where does that leave me?

It leaves me with my own box of matches, in the middle of fall, where there is plenty of material to collect for kindling. I'm ready to create a beautiful fire to keep me warm this winter and onward. This time, with my internal collecting of kindling, I know I will find the right components for building a long-lasting, powerfully intense, blazing inferno.

And so it is.

stay tuned.

Friday, September 25, 2009

...Open Your Mind...

good morning.


I've Been Neglecting You!! ...sorry.

As you already know, I've not been the most pertinent about updating my blog.

It's not because I've lost interest, or don't's just that I've been journaling the old fashioned way.....pen and notebook [sans lock & key].

It's been quite an interesting journey.

Monday, September 21, 2009


The never-ending project.

good times.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

....just sent the photos.

I just finished my mini-photo shoot starring Me as the model...Myself as the wardrobe...and I as the photographer.

The photos are "polaroids" for one of the top agencies here in Paris. As per request, I sent them by email moments ago.

Fingers crossed, my vibe is so high, it's way beyond the atmosphere and my feelings are stellar!

I await good news.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Monday, September 7, 2009

Goin' to London...

The exploration & adventures continue!

Since I have to leave the amazing place where I've been staying in Paris the last 8 weeks, I'm taking my ass to London to see what's going on up there. Fashion week begins on September 18th, so I figure it's gonna be a great opportunity to meet some industry folks.

Let's gooooooooooo! for a place to stay....

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Once Again...The DailyOM Takes The Cake!

Someone at DailyOM is spying on my life!! I am convinced!
Just last night...well, really, at 3AM this morning...I was just going thru in my mind that maybe I should try London for a spell. I'm down to my last Euros and the last week here with my more-than-gracious host family here in Paris. I have to find a new place by Saturday...sooo, why not?!

This morning, I check my email and the DailyOM spies send me this!!.....

September 4, 2009

Working from Center
In the Thick of It

When we are "in the thick of it," overwhelmed by too many things that need our attention, it’s important to remember that we are never given more than we can handle. When life’s challenges make us question this, our best coping mechanism is to follow the reliable and well-known course to our calm center and anchor ourselves there. It is for these times that we have been *practicing regularly, so that our mind, body, and spirit will know how to find the peace within. Even in the midst of seeming chaos, a deep breath can help us turn within to find the space to work from, the calm at the center of the storm. [*I've been doing this a lot lately...BTW]

Tapping into our inner resources we begin again, bringing our focus to the needs of the present moment. Asking "why?" shifts our energy away from the task at hand. We can seek answers to those questions once we get to the other side of the present challenge. For now, we accept what is. Once we have collected scattered energy and created space, inspiration will strike, help will arrive, and what seemed impossible will either become possible or we will find it has become unnecessary. The flow of the universe and its perfect order has room to move in our lives when we get ourselves and our extraneous thoughts out of the way. [BINGO!!]

After the thick has become thin again, we have the opportunity to learn from the situation with a better idea of our true capabilities. We can now ask ourselves the "why" questions with the goal of fine-tuning our lives. Perhaps we have taken on more than is ours to do or made commitments out of obligation rather than insight. It could just be the ebb and flow and life, or we may be receiving life lessons on a fast track in preparation for something wonderful to come[!]. But when we have a chance to make new choices, we know the best ones are made when we work from center.

Saturday, August 29, 2009


I am really thankful for the DailyOM...I SWEAR they're inside my head knowing what I'm going thru when they send me shit.
I will have to include them in my acceptance speech....


August 28, 2009

Going through the Opening
Contracting before Expanding

Sometimes our lives contract before they expand. We may be working hard on ourselves spiritually, doing good in the world, following our dreams, and wondering why we are still facing constrictions of all kinds—financial, emotional, physical. Perhaps we even feel as if we’ve lost our spirituality and are stuck in a dark room with no windows. We may be confused and discouraged by what appears to be a lack of progress. But sometimes this is the way things work. Like a caterpillar that confines itself to a tiny cocoon before it grows wings and flies, we are experiencing the darkness before the dawn.

When things feel tight, it’s easy to panic or want to act in some way to ease the feeling of constriction. We might also spin our wheels mentally, trying to understand why things are the way they are. However, there is nothing we need to do at this time other than to be patient and persevering. We can cling to the awareness that we are processing the shift from one stage to another, and the more we surrender to the experience, the more quickly we will move through the tightness into the opening on the other side. Just like a baby making its way down the birth canal, we may feel squeezed and pushed and very uncomfortable, but if we remember that we are on our way to being born into a new reality, we will find the strength to carry on.

Even as we endure the contractions, we can find peace within ourselves if we remember to trust the universe. We can look to the natural world for inspiration as we see that all beings surrender to the process of being born. In that surrender, and in the center of our own hearts, is a willingness to trust in the unknown as we make our way through the opening.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009



I was gifted an iPhone tonight [thankyouverymuch!]....what are the chances?!!?

*happy dances*

let the manifesting continue!

I've got biiiiiiig shit comin' my way!

stay tuned.


Monday, August 24, 2009

Feed Me, Seymour!

For the first time in my life, I've realized that I have an insatiable hunger.
I wondered for the longest why, at times, I can eat so much food and never feel satisfied. More bread, more butter, more veggies, more this, more that...hmmm, what about ice cream? that sounds good.

My stomach screams at me, STOP!, for she is filled to the brim. My mouth says...ooh that was tasty I want more more more! My mind asks, WTF are you doing?

I don't know, I say. I need something more. I'm still not satisfied.

The other night while reading, Women Who Run With The Wolves, it came to me...out of the proverbial blue....

My soul is hungry.

My soul is hungry?


This is why food has proved itself dissatisfying in so many ways. This is why I yearn for more. Something more fulfilling. Soul Food. [and no, I'm not referring to Big Mama's fried chicken and collard greens.]

I need to feed my soul.

I'm going out for a Love burrito.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Today's Inspiration Comes From...

I woke up with this song stuck in my head....

This can only mean one thing.....and no, it's not sex [LMAO!] is gonna be AWESOME!

I love Grace Jones!

What Kind Of Fuckery Is This...?

Okay, kiddies. I gotta take a moment to vent.

I'm a tad bit frustrated, slightly disappointed, and bored outta my ever-lovin' mind! [*ever-lovin'...a tribute to 1980s network broadcast sensorship......fuckers!]

So, as I discovered soon after I moved to Paris, during the month of August, 98.3% of the Parisian population take their happy asses on month-long vacations to the countryside (or wherever the fuck they go), abandoning the city, leaving it to hordes of over-enthusiastic tourists.

....thus the root of my not-so-super-excited feelings of the moment.

I love Paris...don't get me's a beautiful city. But, I'm bored. A ton of stores & restaurants [mostly the good ones] are closed, the museums & "points of interest" are crawling...CRAWLING!...with tourists [ick] and the night life is lack luster at best. *ARGH!*
And, since I don't really know anyone here [and if I did, they'd probably be out of town anyway...], I'm not privy to all the cool little local joints around town [which are probably closed for the month, too!] [!!!] and I have yet to find the website/blog with the right information.

♪♫♬ ...And I stilllllllll haven't fouuuuuund what I'm looking fooooorrrrrrrrrrr... ♪♫♬

Unfortunately for me, I'm not the one for aimless wandering. I find it pointless and after a while, my feet start to hurt. So, I don't do much of it. Also, I'm pretty bummed that I can't rent a Velib [bikes that are available all over the city] because they don't take MasterCard.


I'd SO much rather bike least riding a bike is fun (and you can cover more ground!).


The fact is, I'm really just anxious for life to get going. I didn't expect the city to be so dead. I was really looking forward to meeting a bunch of folks, building new friendships and SPEAKING FUCKING FRENCH! [which I am, but it's slow going seeing as though I don't have many people to practice with.....ah well, so much for immersion! *sigh*]

There are times where I find myself feeling a bit disheartened and disenchanted...which, I KNOW, is not at all helpful in manifesting the things I want, so that's why I have to get this out before it festers and materializes into something less desirable.

Well, I can say the one good thing about feeling this way is that it makes me want to do something wild and insanley ridiculous to shake things up a bit. Ahhhh, tomorrow....this will be my first opportunity to partake in some sort of fuckery that will lift my spirits and shake this shit off! ...I'm gonna have to get creative.


Sunday, August 9, 2009

Excitement Is a Bubblin'!

I've been in my "workshop" all day long...and I must say that it has been most fun.

If you know anything about Esther & Jerry Hicks and The Law of Attraction, you know what I'm talking about. For those of you who haven't been schooled yet...your workshop is a place you go [in your mind] where you deliberately create the life that you want. The key must go "there" while you're on a high vibration of yumtastic goodness [aka positive emotion]. Since you create from the point at which you feel, it is of the utmost importance to go into your creation stage feeling good.

As I flip thru the most recent issues of Vogue Paris, Elle and WAD magazines, I get an increasingly tingly, vibrant sensation in the center of my heart chakra. I think about how exciting and fun[!] it will be to be photographed for magazines of this caliber. WOW!

I can't help but notice the rapid palpitations in my chest as I close my eyes and see myself at the most exciting and exclusive events in Paris, London, New York, and anywhere else there may be a soirée of note.

My dreams are guiding me each night...I awaken every morning with a new knowing and an excitement like no other...a newly heightened sense of Rage* that fuels my drive to succeed in this game.

My life is changing rapidly. So rapidly, in fact, it feels as though I'm in a lucid dream. I find mySelf switching lights on & off and pinching myself to see if I am indeed actually awake. {If you've seen the movie Waking Life, you will know what it means to flick the light switch...aka controlling the light levels. If you haven't seen it....stay home and make it a Netflix night!}

I am looking forward to the blogs to come. I'm looking forward to sharing my experiences...especially with photos!

Until then....I am the writer, the director, the producer and the actress of this movie called My a Cover Girl!

*Rage: Something that is desired intensely (as defined by Larry A. Thompson in his book SHINE: A Powerful 4-Step Plan For Becoming A Star in Anything You Do
...READ IT!)


In the Shaolin temple, there is a hall of the thousand mirrors.

One day, a dog came into this hall and suddenly saw a thousand dogs around him. He growled and barked at his alleged enemies. And they of course, showed him a thousandfold of teeth back.

Here upon, the dog became furious with rage and this rage came back at him a thousandfold, so he died of overexertion…

Some time later, another dog came into the hall of mirrors. And he also saw a thousand dogs around him.But he was pleased about that and wagged his tail and at once had a thousand friends.

[courtesy of Chikara Reiki Do]

A valuable lesson for all of us. For we attract more of what we put out into the world. Are you growling or wagging your tail?

Happy Sunday!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

God Doesn't Like Cut-Off Shorts

I went to "explore" more of Paris yesterday & I found myself at Basilique du Sacré-Cœur, the second most famous church in Paris. The grounds were covered in so many tourists, it was like a cockroach infestation at a Chinese restaurant! [OMG]

Now, I don't typically engage in tourist activities....the common tourist makes me want to scratch my eyes out....but since I didn't really have much to do I decided to go "see the sites".

As I arrived at the church grounds, I was instantly greeted by Senegalese street vendors trying to sell me [friendship] bracelets. "No, merci." I say with a smile as I walk away.
Well, apparently that doesn't suffice here in France. You either have to completely ignore these guys, acting like they don't exist, or run in the opposite direction. If you make any kind of verbal, or even eye contact, you're screwed. The man followed me for longer than I was comfortable with trying to sell me this f-ing bracelet. "No, merci....No, merci.....NO, MERCI!!!" as I pick up my pace and scurry off.


At the base of the grounds, there is a little, I'll call it a trolley [for the sake of trying to classify what this thing was], that you could buy a ticket and take you up the hill. I not only looked at how long the line was, but the fact that you had to pay for a ride up a hill seemed a tad ridiculous. So, I opted for the stairs.

....did I mention that there were approximately a million fucking steps?! Well, whatever. I'd just eaten an entire pizza by myself and climbing the stairs was free!

The church...outside...was absolutely gorgeous. Domed towers, beautifully carved stone, patinated statues....and the view from the! Unbeliveable! You could see for miles (or should I say kilometers?! I am in Europe after all). Apparently, the building sits atop the highest point in all of the city.

I try my best at playing tourist and take my photos. [as you can see here...]

...these aren't the steps I climbed...this is actually from my decent.




the view from the Basilica steps...



...a little stairway along one of the sides of the lawn.


the merry-go-round at the base of the grounds.....also featured in the movie Amelie [a must see! Great movie!!]


The entire time I couldn't help but think about how unfortunate it was for a holy place to turn into Disneyland. Don't get me wrong...I gave up on Catholicism long before I was forced to go to catechism class as a kid. But, it just seemed inappropriate for some reason. Maybe it was an old program still spinning around somewhere in my subconscious...or maybe I just felt bad for those who actually do practice the religion and choose this venerable place to do so. Or maybe it's just because I can't stand tourists! [gags]

Anyway, as I continue my rounds. I decided, since I was there, I may as well go inside and check it's probably really beautiful. [I haven't been inside a Roman Catholic church in at least 10 or more years...thank God!]. I walk up to the church entrance and immediately see the posted signs "NO PHOTOS. NO VIDEO." [*damn*] Ok, it's understandible, no worries. As, I get closer, I see another sign, smaller print, but apparently equally as important. Among the list of things that are required for entry...the one, and only, that caught my attention was "you must be dressed respectfully".

Here we go.

Before I continue, let me explain something....

It's summer....August....The hottest fucking month in any country in the Northern Hemisphere. I typically dress myself based on the weather conditions, an this day was no different. It's bad enough that before I moved to France I had to chuck my sole pair of flip flops because they broke. And, being that I'm not your typical 8 1/2 shoe size...I'm an 11, it's not like I can just pop into a random shoe store and say "gimme that pair in gold". Trust me, I've been searching for sandals since I got here!

Since I knew I would endure the inevitable hot-foot wearing my cowboy boots, I opted for my cut-off jean shorts and a tank top. Hell, I even pulled the fro back into a bun! ...and this is a rarity. Ask anyone who knows me.

....back to the Basilica....

As I approach the door, out of the corner of my eye, I see a sweetfaced young girl in a pair of black shorts and a yellow tank. She looked pretty bummed. Her facial expression said it all. I didn't think twice about it until I was ready to step in the church doors.

"NO. Mademoiselle. PAS BONNE. Pas bonne! No, no, no!" a small Bangladeshi man said to me waving his hand to stop me from entering. [pas bonne = not good]

Apparently, JC doesn't think cut off shorts are appropriate for his casa.

I rolled my eyes behind my aviator lenses and shrugged it off. "See! THIS is why I don't believe in religion!" I thought to myself. "WTF happened to 'come as you are'?"

As I turned to walk away, I noticed the young girl in yellow again. Ahhh! I see. Her black shorts were a tad too far above the knee for God's taste! The fucked up thing about it was, her whole crew, which must've been more "respecfully dressed", ditched her ass and went inside! Well, little lady, you know who's not gonna be on your side during the Armageddon! Hope you don't insist on wearing shorts!!

Gotta love those Roman Catholics!

*rolling eyes*

Monday, August 3, 2009

Remember This...? You Better!!

I remember watching this as a kid.

I think this was the first time I fell in love....!


Saturday, August 1, 2009

Papy Dance...!

As I was exploring Paris last week, I decided to take the train to Bastille for the first time.

Upon exiting the Metro, I came across this rather dashing character and turned on my camera...



Monday, July 27, 2009

It's Been Most Fun!

It's been 11 days in France & I've met so many amazing people and done some really awesome stuff. I'm picking up on the language and enjoying every adventure!

I will be posting some photos and videos soon. [I've got to do some iMovie new fave!]

stay tuned!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Dear Landlord....Re: Apt 6

A letter I wrote to my landlord before I moved out of my apartment in LA...

I had to share.


July 2, 2009

Dear Landlord,

I wanted to let you know about my experience in regards to the quality of living in Apt 6. I’ve lived in this building since March of 2007. The noise problem with the neighbors to the north (meaning up north) and to the west, has been pretty ridiculous, and it started literally the day I moved in. I actually remember lying there on my bed (which was by the front window at the time) wondering why the hell the neighbors upstairs walk around in heavy-ass boots so much. It was unbelievable. I swear that man had to go for a glass of water in the kitchen from the front door and back every 27 seconds! What is that about?
Not to mention that every night around midnight, the guy in #5 would fill a jug of water from the spigot right outside my window. Why he couldn’t fill the jug INSIDE his house, never really made sense to me. Not only was it strange, but it was a little unsettling to see someone directly in front your window every night.
So, I rearranged my apartment and moved my bed to the corner by the kitchen. At least that way I could feel a bit more comfortable when I’d go to sleep.

Constant slamming of cabinets, screaming dogs…yes, screaming, NOT barking (I’ve wanted to call the ASPCA on many occasions), a giant cat running overhead like a wild tiger through a carnival, the clumsy dropping of what sometimes sounds like bowling balls or bags of marbles…it really depends on the day[!]…the list goes on. I mean, really. Why on Earth would someone consistently feed their dog at 2 and 3 o’clock in the morning…?! The only reason I know this, is because I hear banging cabinets and rustling of bags of dog food…and aloud conversation with the dog about how the good boy is going to eat! …And it seals the deal when the doggie bowl bangs up against the wall with every bite. Nom. Nom. Nom! Good doggie!
As I mentioned before, my bed happens to be right next to that wall.
Good morning, Neighbor! …For 2 years. *sigh*

[And the guy next to the laundry room thinks HE’S got it bad! No one is washing clothes every single night at 2:30 in the morning, dude! At least not from what I’ve seen.]

I can decorate the apartment to the point that Spielberg would want to shoot a movie there. However, we would never get a quiet-on-the-set long enough to for a whole day’s shoot!

Now, I’m sure they can hear me from time to time too…it’s an old building. I get that. I try my best to maintain a respectful noise level due to that. You know, the Golden Rule…do unto others…
Well, sometimes others don’t “do unto you”…I understand that. Hey, it’s their karma after all. Cool, no problem! However, it doesn’t make it any more fun to be on the living end of it. Imagine, living inside a tiny little box with a noisy lid and [bedroom] wall!

On numerous occasions, I’ve actually been woken up out of my sleep with thunderous bangs above my head at 4am. It can get pretty ridiculous. Not to mention the experience I had with the neighbors upstairs last year because I went to ask them nicely to be mindful of my ceiling!
And there’s nothing I can do. I can’t call the sheriff and tell him to send a cop because my upstairs neighbors are as clumsy as a dog with no toes. RUFKM? I’D be the one going to jail for calling with such bullshit! What can I do? Up and move? No. [well, now, yes…but then, no!]

At one point I complained so much that the owner had to put in “insulated” wood floors [oxymoron], as you know. I can say that the level of noise has been “reduced” [I use this term loosely] since the installation of the new floors. Problem is…they love the kitchen!
Blam! [WTF was THAT?!]…It sounds like a jar full of ball-peen hammers dropped out of the sky onto my ceiling. AND, I have witnesses! Their usual response goes something like, “Damn!! What the f*ck was that?!” My reply is usually my best guess. “Oh, they’re bowling again,” I answer. “You better get used to it!”

With all that said, I must say that I’m actually happy the next tenant will be paying less for Apt 6 than I was…she’s a sweet girl. Very nice. [As you know, she bought a lot of my stuff because my apartment is so awesome! The place pretty much sold itself, literally.] I can’t help but wonder how I ended up manifesting such a price for less peace. Or, maybe I just blame Bush, I don’t know.

My hope for her, is that something magical happens, and the problem ceases. But, I think that would require a return of the Massiah or an intervention involving alien abduction. What are the chances? …I guess we’ll have to see.
(I know who I’ve got my money on!)

Good luck in any pursuits you may have in resolving this issue…you’re gonna need it!


former tenant, Apt 6.

DailyOM...A Gem Of Advice For Us All!

I had to post this for everyone to read because it is so very true! Going with the flow is what has gotten me to where I am now....and will get me to where I am wanting to be!

I can't say it was an easy thing to least not initially. I had to re-program my Self, my thoughts, my actions, my habits... In doing so, I have realized the power of the Universe and the magic and mystery of Life. I am constantly evolving and coming into the New Now.

My hope is for everyone else to be able to let go of all the "shit" and allow Life to happen.

With that I say...

Bon Chance & I love you all!!


Working with a Larger Energy

Going with the Flow

The expression going with the flow is a metaphor that applies to navigating a river. When we go with the flow, we follow the current of the river rather than push against it. People who go with the flow may be interpreted as lazy or passive, but to truly go with the flow requires awareness, presence, and the ability to blend one’s own energy with the prevailing energy. Going with the flow doesn’t mean we toss our oars into the water and kick back in the boat, hoping for the best. Going with the flow means we let go of our individual agenda and notice the play of energy all around us. We tap into that energy and flow with it, which gets us going where we need to go a whole lot faster than resistance will.

Going with the flow doesn’t mean that we don’t know where we’re going; it means that we are open to multiple ways of getting there. We are also open to changing our destination, clinging more to the essence of our goal than to the particulars. We acknowledge that letting go and modifying our plans is part of the process. Going with the flow means that we are aware of an energy that is larger than our small selves and we are open to working with it, not against it.

Many of us are afraid of going with the flow because we don’t trust that we will get where we want to go if we do. This causes us to cling to plans that aren’t working, stick to routes that are obstructed, and obsess over relationships that aren’t fulfilling. When you find yourself stuck in these kinds of patterns, do yourself a favor and open to the flow of what is rather than resisting it. Trust that the big river of your life has a plan for you and let it carry you onward. Throw overboard those things that are weighing you down. Be open to revising your maps. Take a deep breath and move into the current.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Saturday Night Fever...!

Saturday night was great. I went out with my new American friends Octavia & Tom. Getting to their hotel was quite the adventure.

Not having a cell phone has its advantages...but when it comes time to meet up with people that you've never met in person, in a city you've never been to, the ability to whip out an iPhone comes in handy.

Oh well...

I took the Metro into the city to meet them at Place Vendôme (which I looked at online so I'd have an idea of what to look for when I arrived). I got of the train and had NO fucking clue which direction to go. SO, I took a deep breath, approached a friendly-looking French couple & attempted to ask for French. [ummm...yeah.]
I had all the words ready in my head, but as soon as it was time to speak them......merde!...yeah, not so much. Luckily they were really sweet people and the realized that I didn't have a fucking clue when it came to the French language. The woman asked some other guy for directions, since she didn't really know where the Place was. Voila! He knew & together they were able to point me in the right direction. Whew!

So, I started walking. [in 4 inch heels mind you] ...and it started raining.

Did I mention I didn't bring my umbrella?

Lucky for me it was only a light drizzle.......but, still.

After about 3 blocks, I realized I was at the Louvre [très cool!]....not at the Place Vendôme. Time to ask for more directions! [fuck!]

I saw a nice French woman with her bicycle and I approached her with my best broken French. Seeing my struggle with the language, she replied in English. "It's over there...I don't know where the main entrance is, but you will want to go this way...." I humbly thanked her and turned around and began to walk BACK in the direction I'd just come my 4" heels.

I cried inside...mainly for my feet...but whatevs.

I took about 3 steps toward my destination when a tiny French man ran up to me from behind shouting "Excuse-moi mademoiselle! Excuse-moi mademoiselle!"
I turned around to see this tiny little man in a tux running up to me with a motorcycle helmet in his hand and an enormous smile on his face.
"Oui?" I reply.

"smfoasidfowiefoawnefaowjfmao;goasfmladgkmladf mademoiselle!" [yeah, that's pretty much how it sounded to me]

"I'm sorry," I say, "je ne parle Français. I don't understand what you are saying."

Broken English...broken French...fantastic!

He asked where I was going & I told him Place Vendôme.

"Do you want a ride?" as he points to his scooter.


"Oui, oui! Merci, merci beaucoup!" I reply. I point to his helmet and ask if he had an extra...but of couuuuurse he does!

What are the chances?

I'm totally going along with it. Cuz it sure beats walking another 5 blocks in the rain in a dress and heels!

"Vous êtes très jolie! Je t'aime! Je t'aime!" as he kisses my cheeks...over and over!
He tries to go in to plant one on my lips....DE-NIED....he gets the cheek.

I hop on the back of the scooter and we take off.

Each stop light, the tiny man turns to me, lifts his visor and tries to kiss me.

"Go! Go! The light is green!" I say...and laugh as I roll my eyes.

I swear we circled The Place 3 times before he dropped me off...! Finally we stop at the entrance and I get off the scooter. He grabs me and tells me how excited he is.... Yeah, THAT kind of excited. I give him a gracious smile, a light push, and tell him thank you for the ride.

Merci beaucoup, le dude! I gotta go!

Monday, July 20, 2009

So Far So Bon...

I've been in Paris for 5 days now...and things have been going pretty well.
Let me fill you in...

So, Friday I went to change my worthless American dollars into Euros...and I know what Mexicans feel like when they bring Pesos to the US!


I thought it was a joke at first....then the banker gave me a receipt and an "au revoir" and sent me on my merry little way.

Bon chance!

Well, so much for that!!

On Saturday, I met up with some new American friends who were in town from LA. I was introduced to them by a former co-worker via email (MERCI BEAUCOUP, Linda!).
Octavia & Tom are wonderful people, I must say! They invited me to dinner & out for an evening at Buddha Bar & Hôtel Costes. Good times! [more to follow on that adventure!]

Sunday afternoon I walked around Paris a little and stopped for a panini and a crêpe near the Sainte-Chappelle where I met a guy from LA. What are the chances?! I come all the way to Paris and the first people I meet are from Los Angeles. Go figure!

Finally, today, Monday, apparently still jetlagged, I woke up at 4:30 in the afternoon[!]...Faaaaack!...and ventured out to the supermarché to buy some groceries. [that, my friends, is another post!] it goes. I'm getting acclimated to my new surroundings and watching plenty of French TV as a means to learning the language. [I was up until 4am last night watching CuisineTV! Ha!]

Ça marche!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Bon Jour!

Je Suis à Paris

I'm here!

I made it.

This is awesome!

I fell in love with the city instantly. My experience has been great since I landed...I am SO different than anyone I've seen thus far...and I absolutely LOVE IT!

It's quite amusing to watch people stare at me like I came from another planet. You would think I had silver skin and blue hair with some of the looks I get. I can't get enough!

I have arrived mon frère!

This will be quite the stay tuned, cuz I plan on posting A LOT!


Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Just booked my ticket to Paris....








Friday, July 10, 2009


I'm still working on getting my ticket to Paris.... read correctly.

I'm leaving Wednesday, July is July 10th. read correctly.

I have a place lined up in Paris to stay for 1 month...but I have to get there first! I must arrive on the 16th, because the family I am staying with leaves for their month-long vacation on the 18th.
...which allows me 1 & a half to 2 days to settle before they go.

The frequent flyer mile idea seems to have fallen thru because airlines are now charging to transfer miles from one person to the other! [what's the point?! ...this concept is retarded]

I know in my heart that everything will work out.......because it HAS to! I've been feeding the Universe with good energy around my trip & I have been blessed thus far.

I'm putting myself out there...once again....and asking for help from any and everyone who will be so kind! Hell, even if you can spare $20, that's 20 more toward my ticket!

I've set up a PayPal account to make the process easier......and anonymous. You can click on the button below.

Thank you SO VERY MUCH in advance for helping me out! You will be blessed for your generosity...GUARANTEED!!


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I Got The Boot...!

I got excommunicated from the Three Feet From Gold Game today....go figure. I was one of the MOST excited about playing & I just couldn't stick with it... [good job!]

It's not that I gave up on my end goal or that I'm not still working toward it...
It's that I thought I had the wherewithal to maintain my focus and encourage another along the way. Buuut, I don't. [and I learned the hard way...oops.]

I subconsciously allowed my vision to suck me in. Tunnel vision.

Which is, by the way, is not a bad thing...because that just means I am really passionate about my art [which is a new-found being passionate about something].

However, it was not cool to leave people hanging. That's what disappoints me about what I've allowed. I could've gone about it much differently...but I didn't. AND[!] I got called out on it. [Thanks, Shine.]

::Silver lining:: I learned a very valuable lesson: Have balance and integrity.

My bad everyone.

I just woke up. Thank you and Good Morning.


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Want a Piggy-Back Ride...?

[this post was originally on another blog of mine...but I've decided to repost them here...mainly cuz I actually have READERS on this site! LOL]

I received this in my inbox yesterday...[interesting!]...had to post!!

....piggy-backing on my Allergies...? entry on June 6th...



~ g.o.o.s.e.

June 30, 2009

Fuel That Nurtures
Eating Right to Feel Better

At its simplest, food is fuel. Though our preferences regarding taste and texture can vary widely, we all rely on the foods we eat for energy. Most people are aware that it is vital we consume a diverse assortment of foods if we aspire to maintain a state of physical well-being. However, the intimate connection between diet and our mental well-being is less understood. Just as the nutritional components in food power the body, so too do they power the mind. Some foods can impair cognitive functioning and sap our energy while others heighten our intellectual prowess and make us feel vigorous. What we eat and drink can have a powerful effect on our ability to focus, mental clarity, mood, and stress levels.

Food allergies, which don’t always manifest themselves in forms we recognize, can also play a significant role in the maintenance of mental health. Thus, for most of us, even a simple change in diet can have a profoundly positive impact on our lives. Taking the time to explore whether anxiety, muddled thoughts, or inexplicable tension can be linked to a food allergy or food sensitivity can empower you to treat your symptoms naturally. The benefits of a healthier, more personalized diet are often felt immediately. Sugar, saturated fats, wheat, and dairy products are frequently allergens and can stress the body. For people that are allergic, consuming them can cause imbalances in the physical self that have a negative effect on the body’s ability to nourish the brain. Water, fiber, nuts, unprocessed seeds, raw fruits and vegetables, and vegetable proteins, on the other hand, support physical and mental functioning by providing those nutrients we do need without additional subs! tances we don’t.

A balanced, natural diet can ease mood swings, panic attacks, anxiety, and mild depression. Intellectual clarity and agility is improved when the mind receives proper nourishment. Even those individuals who are blessed with the ability to consume almost any food can benefit from a healthier and simpler diet. Since the mental and physical selves are closely bound to one another, we must feed each the foods upon which they thrive.


Come check my art show on 07:08:09!

g.o.o.s.e. <----that's me!



Monday, June 29, 2009

On the Line...

great message...


I love you.
I thank you.

You inspired me.
You got me through so much.
You changed the world.
You will be missed.

Enjoy bliss.


Sunday, June 21, 2009

Amma Need a Hug....!

I had a most amazing experience in the last 24 hours.

Amma, aka "the Hugging Saint", has been in LA for the last week. I was fortunate to have the chance to witness and experience such an amazing Being.

Shine, Jah-Jah and I ventured down to the LAX Radisson (I know, right?!) to get in line for our hug. We knew that the wait was gonna be long, so we got there "early". The ceremony was scheduled to start at 7:30pm...we arrived at 6. We were escorted into a big ass room with a million chairs and about 8 TVs, and handed a "token" [aka a little yellow paper ticket].

I had NO idea what was going on, or what any of all of this meant. All I knew is I was getting a hug from Amma at some point & I have a little ticket with "K3" printed on it. No explaination. No nothing.

Okay, cool.

As we're sitting in these seats, looking at the back of other people's heads, trying to watch what's happening on the TV monitors, a woman approaches and tells us about the "youth program". Jah is all excited, because to a 5-year old, sitting in a chair and keeping still & being quiet, is not an option. Excited for Amma's hug, he kept telling us, "All I wanna do is have fuuun..." So when he found out that there were other kids and he could go play, he was all about it.

With Jah-Jah enjoying his experience, Shine & I had a chance to chat more about what the hell was going on. By this time, it was around 7:45 and the ceremony had begun. We watched a bit of it on the TV a few rows in front of us. After about 10 minutes of watching, I zoned out.
Not that I wasn't interested, but more so that there was so much else going on around me and within me that I decided to turn it all off for a moment and meditate.

My mind chatter began...I wonder how this works. What is this little token thing for? I wonder how long this is gonna take. I wonder what this is gonna be like. I'm hungry.

Not too long after I "went within", a man came up to us and explained how important our tokens were. This was our cue number. When the hugs begin, the group numbers, in our case, K3, would show on the screen & that's when we go into the main room for our Amma snuggles. *Woo hoo!*

At around 9pm, the "opening" ceremony was over [I have no idea what it is traditionally called, so I'm doing my best, lol] and Amma began giving her Love embraces. We watched the TV screen, "Token - A1".

Okay, cool.

They had some very delicious vegetarian Indian food for all to enjoy...for seven I threw down. Good way to pass the time, I thought.

Stuffed like a lil piggy, I glanced at the TV around 10pm..."Token - B3"

Uh, let's go for a walk.

After a couple more hours of walking around, hanging out in the mini courtyard & allowing Jah to run around. We headed back inside.

"Token - E5"


We went back to the room where they had the kids program earlier in the evening. It was pretty empty considering the rest of the 2nd floor was overflowing with people. The lights were a bit dimmer and it was MUCH quieter than in the other rooms. There was a guy (someone's dad, I'm sure) laying on the floor snoozing. Not a bad idea, I thought. "Let's go snatch up that corner," I said, "I'm about to follow this guy's lead."

Jah-Jah ran over to play with 2 little girls, Shine sat in a chair at the table, and I made my jacket into a pillow and laid my ass on the floor!

"Token - G1"

Good night.

At around 2am, Shine wakes me up, "They're on K1! It's our turn. Let's go!"
I wipe the drool off my pillow, shake my fro and put my shoes on. Jah is fast asleep & Shine is trying to wake him. No go...this kid's out like a light. Have you ever seen anyone sleep standing up? Well, I have...his name is Jah-Jah and he's 5.

I grab the boy, she grabs our stuff and we head to Amma.

There's probably about 40 million billion people milling around the venue at this point. It's pretty insane. We find out where we need to be and arrive in perfect time. There are 2 rows of chairs with a sign posted on the back of each..."Darshan Line" with an arrow pointing forward. I felt like I was in line for the Giant Drop at Six-Flags. Instead of standing in line, we were sitting in line. It was a little like musical chairs...put your ass in the closest open seat. When the person in front of you moves up, you move up. Now, try this half asleep, with a s 60 pound kid drooling on your about coordination! *champion!*

After about 5 minutes of craziness, I'm up & fully alert. I've got 20 chairs or so to wake this kid up. This was a challenge. How do I wake a sleeping child without making him upset or cranky?!?

...with tickles!!

Musical chairs, move up one.

Well, tickling a 5-year olds ribs wasn't completely effective, because even after he'd wiggle and crack an eyelid, he kept falling back asleep.

Musical chairs, move up one more. Try again.

Luckily, my next move, I sat next to a man and his lady (I assume) who were watching my feeble attempts to wake this kid. The man says, "Do you mind if I hold his hand and give him some energy? This will help wake him up." "Sure! Please!" I said with a smile. The man takes Jah's tiny chocolate hand into his and begins. In the meantime, I'm still working my "magic" trying to bring him out of the ethers.

After about 5 or so minutes of energy work, Jah starts scratching his fro. Ha! It's working! The man explains to me that the energy he's sending goes straight to the crown & thus the head scratch. A few more minutes & it's time to move again. I thank the nice man & he gives a most gracious smile. What a lovely spirit, I thought.

Bleary-eyed, WonderBoy is finally coming to. "Mommyyyyyy. Where's my mommy?" He grumbles. "She's sitting right in front of us, Jah-Jah. See?" I tap on Shine's back and they connect. *Woo hoo!* For the next 15 or so seats, Shine takes over as Jah comes back to Earth.

We finally get to the stage where Amma is sitting. She's surrounded by what seems like a million people..but is probably only about twelve or fifteen. There are people waiting on each side of the stage, in their respective chairs to receive Amma's loving embrace. A man comes over with a pleasant smile and a name tag that says "Doctor" and escorts us into the last 2 spots.....we're next.

The rest was a bit of a whirlwind. As Shine and Jah are receiving their blessing. I was admiring all that surrounded us. Amma had a most beautiful silver headpiece with emeralds, rubies and diamonds. She wore a yellow sari and her aura glowed bright white. I was shuffled to the left of Shine & received my hug. I closed my eyes and took it all in. Amma smelled of roses and her energy was magnificent. She recited a mantra in my right ear as she hugged me. I didn't understand the language, but I knew it was very blessed and empowering...I could feel it. I felt a jolt of energy at the culmination of our embrace. She looked at me and gave me the warmest most loving smile. I thanked her as she put 2 Hershey's Kisses and 2 rose petals in my hand. I felt at peace.

After over 9 hours of waiting, it was all over...and totally worth it. I feel honored to have had such a magical experience before I head off on my journey to France. My knowing is strengthened, my piece of mind is sound. I am ready for the next stage.

...may the force be with you!

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