Monday, March 9, 2009

My Last Meal...

Tomorrow morning I begin the Master Cleanse...

My intention was to start today...which, I actually did for the first half of the day. hit me!

"I want In-N-Out!"


I never got my last meal. Now the cravings come...I'm losing the game...

Master Cleanse is really a mind game.
No, really.
It is.

Ok. Ok. Ok. I've done MC twice before and it was not this difficult the first day. What the hell?!
So, my internal battle goes on...Do I suck it up and continue? OR Do I say "fuck it" & eat a "Last Meal" and start in the morning...mentally prepared for the 10 day experience?


So....I called Bossa Nova in Hollywood and ordered chicken and black beans...and, of course, Doce du Banana for dessert.[!]

After, din & a glass of wine. I smoked a bowl (which, I will not be doing during my fast either, BTW) and ate my banana deliciousness.

Once I cashed the bowl, I continued to watch my Netflix MIP (Movie In Progress), Sideways––which, incedentally, became funny after the pot hit. [I'd fallen asleep twice while watching it earlier in the evening] I ended up liking the movie.

Back to my original thought....

So, Master Cleanse (I feel I need to capitialize for some reason). Why am I doing it? I get that question from a few people. "You don't need to lose any weight..." they say.

...Who said anything about me wanting to lose weight?!?

"I'm not doing it for weight loss...." I reply. "I'm CLEANSING..." {hence Master Cleanse}

Why is that everyone's first assumption? That I want to, or would try to, lose weight?


Contrary to popular belief, I have no desire to be a size 2....never have. I mean, just because I'm going the model/actress route, doesn't mean I'm interested in adopting the insanely ridiculous Hollywood weight obsession. Fuck that!
I'm cool.

I'm 5'10"...I'm not supposed to be a size 0...! I'm not cool with walking around looking like a latex skeleton. I'm so cool on that shit. Ick. I mean, I get that some women are naturally built like sticks, but that's not my goal. ...not by a long shot. My only interest is to be in the best shape and best health for my body. So, whatever it is that I decide to do...whether it be to go on a cleanse or to change my eating's for that reason only. I'm not interested in manipulating and destroying my body to fit someone else's idea of beauty.
I'm cool.

It's unfortunate that so many people are stuck in that program. Scales, pills, creams & salves, injections, surgeries, eating disorders, mental breakdowns...all for what?

No, thanks.[!]

Then, what's even when people whine about it. "This pill isn't working", "that diet didn't work", "I gained 5 pounds", "I can't eat this, I can't eat that"...


Wellllll....what if......WHAT decided to hit the gym? or do some jumping jacks? or eat one less Twinkie?


What if you stopped complaining? ...and actually did something about it?


What if you focused on your overall health rather than just the weight?

...what if you vibrate higher and get out of the constant negative creating?...


Another thing that I find a tad annoying, is when someone says to me "Oh,'re skinny, you can eat whatever you want. I can't cuz...blah, blah, blah..." and, "You don't have to do anything to maintain your weight like I do...blah, blah, blah..."

Stop it.

Just because you made poor decisions last time you were at Denny's, don't get mad at me[!]...and don't invite me into your pity party, either.
I'm not coming.

Why do people do that? Try and make me feel bad (without avail, at this point) about having the body that I have? "You don't have to worry about this, cuz you've got that..."

Shut up.

Please, don't concern yourself with me and what I'm doing. Focus on yourself...your Self...and what you're doing...or NOT doing, for that matter.

How about you let me have my experience...and you go on and have yours. If you want to lose weight, tone up, or whatever...just fucking do it & stop running your mouth about all the reasons why you can't.
shut up about it already!!

I want a brownie.

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