Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly.

We are all each others mirrors. What you see in someone else--whether you consider it good or bad, positive or negative, beautiful or ugly, super fucking awesome or super fucking irritating--is always a reflection (on some level) of what is going on within you. With that said...I have uncovered some very interesting things within my current vibration.

The Good
...I am happy with these things & will continue to strengthen and expand upon them.

The Bad
...uh, yeah, it's fixy time.


The Ugly...has GOT TO GO!![!]

I could go on and on about all the good things and can toot my own horn any day[!] *winks*...that's easy. But, this entry is not about that. Today, my intention is set on shifting, transmuting, and releasing all undesirable behaviors, thoughts, and programs. So, I'm spilling my beans alllll over this bitch! ...and I'm adding the hot sauce, too!

Let's begin.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall...

*sidebar* I just noticed me creating a distraction for myself right now...I know it's my ego stalling cuz I'm 'bout to rip myself a new ass hole (figuratively, of course) and expose all of my I-don't-want-to-admit-this-to-myself shit. ......well, I say to my ego, "Gotcha, you sneaky mutha fucka! Caught you in the act! Who needs to clean their fingernails before typing a journal entry?? Really?"..."You LOSE!" *end*

I don't really know the best way to address all of these "issues", so I guess the best thing to do is start by listing them...then maybe I can go into detail [if necessary] afterward.

Here goes nothin'[!]....

I am not a good listener.
I don't always pay attention to what others are saying....and apparently don't care either.
I am not always considerate of others.
I interrupt people when they are talking.
I can be rude.
I need to be the center of attention at times.
I need validation from others.
I talk too much.
I can act like a big ass toddler and throw pouting tantrums.
I hold shit in & don't communicate my feelings.
I can be annoying.
I need people to acknowledge the "good things" I do for them/others & some how need to be commended for it. [WTF am I expecting? A medal...?!? A 21-gun salute...?!?]
I give with expectation.
I, to some extent, still rely on others to make me happy.
I still have issues with my ex.
I have not wholly embraced my beauty. Somewhere inside I still feel unattractive.
I am trying to avoid my unhappiness via a mind altering substance (in my case, this must be weed, cuz I don't drink anymore) and using, "cuz I like it" as my excuse...
I'm needy.
I can be energetically draining.
I can get lazy with my intelligence when I'm around certain people & I decide I am going to depend on them to do all the thinking for me on some level (even when it's SO ridiculously simple)...basically...I play dumb when I want. *brat*
I can be stingy.
I become defensive when confronted about me or something I did.
I sometimes think that the things I have to say are somehow more important and/or more interesting than what someone else has to say.
I'm a big fucking baby!
I still have dumb fears.
I focus on lack of money.
I am still saying "No" [in some, very important aspects] to the Universe.
I have trouble allowing others to do [nice] things for me.
I can be completely irrational sometimes. [Pain Bodies!]
I want to slap the shit out of myself sometimes.
I have too much pride.
I can be a total bitch.
I need more healing on my heart chakra.
I hold on to useless, unproductive, unhappy, unharmonious, losing relationships.
I allow others to use me...and then complain about it [usually to myself].
I don't feel appreciated...and feel the NEED to be appreciated.
I don't appreciate my self, fully.
I allow other's opinions (more so those whom I truly care about) influence my decisions to some degree (as it pertains to me)...<---I'm actually consciously working on this AND making progress! [*toot toot* had to. sorry.]
I'm too much of a people pleaser...still. *ack!*
I give unnecessary details.
I doubt my talents.
I don't give myself enough credit.



What a list! OMG. Some things on the preceeding list I am fully aware & conscious of...others are new to me as I write them here.

Well, it seems that I've got quite a few things to work on.



  1. I find it pretty cool that you wrote and exposed this list of what you view to be your flaws. I really think it's an important thing to do; it puts the problems right in front of you, and you have no choice but to face them. I think I'll make a list of everything I need to work on, but I won't post it. My pride? Flaw #1.

  2. Hmm...the question I have is this: By putting things like this out there it it actually drawing theme closer to you on an astral or etheric level? I think it is extremely important to be aware of ourselves, flaws and all, so that we can then heal ourselves. But it important not to allow them to define who you are.

  3. @astralhealer

    No, not necessarily. The way I see it is, I'm getting it off my chest. It's no different than writing your thoughts and feelings in your journal. I didn't write this entry as a complaining rant or to say woe-is-me. I intended for this entry to be a releasing of all of these old programs that I didn't even realize that I had. If I were to continually write entries like this over and over without change, then yes, it would be more likely that I would draw this kind of thing into my experience.

    I must clarify that I did not write this entry with the purpose creating a definition of who or what I am. I cannot be defined.

    It is, as you say, a healing. I've chosen to lick my wounds publicly with the hopes that, aside from myself, someone else may be able to find the courage to look within and heal themselves too.

    I invite you to continue reading & thank you for your time and your comment. :-)

    ♥ + ☼

  4. i agree with retromus-ik. i think it's such a positive and progressive thing when we're able to recognize in ourselves the less desirable qualities. and to be so honest with ourselves about it is a great first step towards making whatever improvements we deem necessary.


Go on...say it...[!]

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