Tuesday, May 5, 2009

*scream*

Frustration is a bub-lin'!
*scream*

I want to shave my head and move to France. [!]
(one does not relate directly to the other...FYI)

...but then, I don't....[at least for the moment]

I have a conundrum of feelings milling about my heart chakra right now...and it makes me want to jump out of my body and run for the hills! ...well, actually, the stars in this case.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with being here it annoys me. The 3rd dimension is a mutha fucker sometimes! I swear.

I'm in between programs...shifting my consciousness...out with the old, in with the new...and this feeling that I have swirling around is really...well, I don't actually know how to articulate it. It's like a grayish cloud (think incense smoke but thicker) swirrrrling about inside my chest. It makes me cry, it makes me want to punch pillows, it makes me want to shave all my hair off and run around screaming like a madwoman!! I can't do enough cartwheels to make it go away!! I wish I could just open my ribcage and pull it out. ...but you can't do that with feelings. *argh!*

I know it's just my ego...my false self clinging on for dear life. It's fighting for sameness, holding on to the fear, resisting the change. My ego is a mutherfucker, man.[!] It enjoyed my "old" life...It thrived there...It reigned supreme. Now, It sees that It's not winning. It is not in control......I am. My TRUE Self is taking over...becoming, evolving, shining, allowing, enjoying, BEing, my truth.

I know this is all a process...and I'm definitely in it for the long haul. I've got a lot of work to do on this planet and I'm far from a quitter. Life is a game, an adventure...this shit is supposed to be fun...it's meant to be played and experienced and IN JOYed.

So...I make fun, I have fun....

Yes, I do have my moments...(as you can see above)...but that's all part of the experience. Life isn't a complicated chess game...nor should it be. And, it's not a game of Hungry Hungry Hippo either (the one with the most balls at the end, wins). It's not that serious. In fact, it's not serious at all!

We all have our shit storms and sometimes we feel like jumping out of a basement window, but it's all in the name of experience and eternal growth.

With that said...

I feel much better.

1 comment:

  1. This is so in line with my blogs...

    ReplyDelete

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