Monday, March 24, 2008

Hollywood Types: The Super Hater

If you live in LA, you know exactly what I mean when I say "Hollywood Types".  For those of you who don't know...

Hollywood Type (n.) [hol-ee-wood tīp]: A person who, on a regular day, may act like your friend, but when it comes to a party or other social event, they 1) act like they've never met you before; 2) play you to the left like you're not important enough or cool enough to be seen with; 3) act like their shit don't stink.  [Hell, sometimes it's all of the above!]
Typically, the Hollywood Type has an over inflated sense of self and a slew of insecurities.  This is part of the reason why they act the way they do. 

What's even better (and I think it's WAY more entertaining) is the Hollywood Type who feels as though he or she is in a position of power or "has pull"...i.e. at the door with "the list" or is affiliated with the party/event in some form or fashion & has the "say so" in who gets past the velvet rope.  [Hilarious!] 

These Hollywood Types are considered Super Haters and are the most laughable.  If you're like me, you don't give a flying fuck about who is at the door "regulating", because you know that you're going to get in...and if not, you bounce.  It's NEVER that serious!  I'm not the one to beg at the door to be let into some random ass party.  I'd much rather do something more productive with my sleeping or stepping on ants.

The Super Hater is the type who will look dead at you and act like they don't see you or know you.  You can even speak to them directly and say "Hi, so-and-so" and give them a nod (you do this because you're not the Hollywood Type and because you know them & they know you), yet the Super Hater will act as though you're invisible.  

When you are confronted with this scenario, if you are like me, you laugh.  Sometimes you laugh to yourself, sometimes you laugh out loud.  It really depends on your mood at that moment.  Here's the kicker...once you get past the door/rope (0n your own merit, obviously) and the Super Hater sees you inside, he or she will approach you like it's the first time they've seen you all night and he or she will say, "Hey, [your name here], I'm so glad you came! Good to see you!" 


In dealing with this type of encounter, you have three options.  Use of one of these 3 options will depend on your current involvement with other extraneous factors affiliated with the Super Hater

Option 1: You call the Super Hater out on their dumb shit by saying something like, "I just saw you at the door and spoke to you. You looked dead at me and didn't say anything. What are you trying to pull right now?"
Action A: You can give him or her the opportunity to explain the reason for their haterish behavior, if you want. This is usually best done amongst a group of people.  This way, everyone is aware that the this person is in fact a Super Hater.
Action B: You can tell them to kick rocks & keep it moving.  This is usually best when you are with a close friend (or friends) who already know the backstory about the Super Hater and his or her behavior.  And, you won't look like a bitch or an asshole amongst the group of people who don't know the backstory.
Extraneous Factors: There aren't any.  You can call them out freely without any consequences because this person is so insignificant that it doesn't matter.  
Caution: Even though you are keeping it real, there is the potential for drama.  The Super Hater may feel completely and totally ridiculous and act outwardly.  Prepare yourself.

Option 2: You apply The Golden Rule, in reverse.  Treat them how they treated you. (Don't worry, this option does not make you a Super Hater. Think of it as fighting fire with fire.)
Action A:  To add extra insult, look at them dead in the face, then walk away right after they finish their fake-ass "hello".  Again, this is best done with the friends who know the backstory. Otherwise, you run the risk of looking like an asshole.
Action B: Stand there and don't say shit.  Don't acknowledge their presence.  If you're taller than the Super Hater, it adds more for effect. Best done with the backstory crew.
Extraneous Factors: There aren't usually any. But, if there are, you don't give a shit anyway, so they really don't matter.
*Bonus*: If you're in a club/party where the music is really loud, it helps drown out the Super Hater's voice.  This helps if you need an I-couldn't-hear-it-was-too-loud excuse later.

Option 3: Give them the are-you-kidding-me-right-now smirk and say, "Hey."
Action A:  After your listless "hey", continue on with whatever conversation you were having prior to the Super Hater's approach.  Most likely the Super Hater won't even notice that you looked at them like they're crazy. So, the smirk is not so much for effect as it is a natural reaction to dumb asses & entertainment for onlookers.  This can be done with anyone around, backstory or not.
Action B: Say "Hey", throw up deuces (the peace sign for those who don't know), give the head nod, and press (walk away).  This is effective when you want to say to the Super Hater, "Yeah, whatever, Ass. I don't have time for you or your bullshit." You can do this with anyone around, providing that you tell someone in the group you are going to the bar or the bathroom or the dance floor (again saving you from looking like an asshole to those who don't know the backstory).
Extraneous Factors: The Super Hater is a friend/business associate/family member/spouse of someone close to you. Out of respect for your loved one/friend, you keep up "appearances" because you know you have to deal with this person fairly often, or will again in the near future.  Or, the Super Hater may be someone YOU work with or have to maintain regular contact with for a period of time (much to your dismay!).  Either way, this option will allow for the least amount of potential drama.  You will also save yourself from hearing about it from your loved one...i.e. "So-and-so said that you put them on blast [see Option 1] in front of everyone last night...blah, blah, blah."
*Bonus*: You don't look like an asshole.  You avoided drama & peace was maintained.
Drawback: You want to scratch your eyes out because you had to be fake for the moment.
Bright Side: You may, one day, get the chance to choose Option 1 and the extraneous factors above won't matter!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Go on...say it...[!]

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.